Ordeals

     A few weeks ago, maybe two or three, my mom asked me a very interesting question. Now, I can't remember her exact words, but I do recall the main point of her question. She said that some people after dealing with a horrific ordeal or a challenging trail, they bounce back, being resilient. These people find new hope and have a kind of determination that cannot be shaken. My mom's question was how do they do that? Why do some people never seem to recover, while others do? The reason why she asked me that question, was because I had a mishap, a big mishap with anorexia and I bounced back. My mom told me that day that she sees in me a kind of determination that cannot be shaken. My mom was asking how did I do it, how am I still doing it?
     Well, I thought about it, I stuttered at first, but then I gave it more thought, maybe 30 seconds go by. This is what I basically told my mom, "We can either let those trails and tribulations hold us down and limit us, you know capture us, or we can let them captivate us."
My mom was surprised and later on told me that "nailed it". When I told my sisters about what I told my mother, they too were pretty surprised. My twin sister comes up to me and tells me "from now on, when you give your testimony, you have got to say that". Alright I will. In fact, let me repeat myself. We can either let those trails and tribulations hold us down and limit us, you know capture us, or we can let them captivate us.
     Dealing with anorexia nervosa was hard and I cried many nights. It was very nerve wrecking and I felt excessively worthless and useless, but during my stay at the hospital something clicked in my mind. I thought to myself God can turn this around. This can become my story, my testimony. God can use anorexia in my life to glorify is name, it can be put on display, showcasing his perfect will for me. Now, it was not at all easy. I allowed anorexia to capture at first, I felt trapped by the voices and by the accusations that placed upon myself, all because I let the lie become true. The lie was dragging me down, but a few after leaving the hospital, I was very much interested in eating disorders, and I wanted to know about it more. In a course of maybe six or seven months after leaving the hospital, I thought Anorexia can become a stepping stone for me, I can help other boys and girls with this story!
Then as more months went by, I increasingly became captivated, totally captivated by the possibility of anorexia nervosa, it is such a mystery. Eating disorders are so intricate. I am glad I went through that ordeal, it gave me new found hope, all because I was willing to believe that God could use this to benefit me and that's how one can go from captured to captivated. I am captivated, through GOD.