Fleeting Purity

Fleeting Purity

By: harcyMill

     Late in the night, he travels up a path and though his surroundings appear unfamiliar by shadows and solids all new, he is not lost. In this he finds comfort, for bearing memories of old can be quite helpful at times. He reaches a crossroads, but both paths seem unwelcoming, both seem crude. He no longer feels secure about the path he travels, fearing the unknown can be quite understandable. This is new, he never wandered so far away before. A thick fog emerges from distant fields, enveloping him with coldness and uncertainty. Unable to see where the two paths lead, he decides to pick neither, he proceeds to walk straight. He travels up a grassy field, as it ascends, the fog intensifies. So thick, he is unable to see any shadows or solids to guide his walk.  He knows what is behind, but is clueless to what is before him. In the depths of his mind, he is saddened by the grimness of his mundane life, for being overly traditional can be quite dull. A gust of wind rushes pass him, and the smell of the ocean fills the air, the field has now become a steep hill. With his sight no longer his companion, and hearing is fruitless in dead pastures, he relies on touch and simulations to lead him forward. As he proceeds to carry his feet a great distance, the fog finally begins to clear, his sight is restored, and he hears crashing waves beating hard against sandy shores and the rocky cliff. The rush of winds grow stronger. Before his eyes, he sees the vast, unknown ocean stretching over miles.  It would seem that he reached a dead end, his wandering ceases. No where to go, except back to his abyss of a home.  He begins to wonder, why did God cast me on this earth with strict, unyielding people? So callous, and unforgiving to my only curiosity, to the fleeting purity of a heart. If there is hope in a bright future, one should look past their existing trials. However, it is often that hope of a good future is thwarted by the cruelty of one's past, of one's repeated shortcomings. Again, he thinks, beyond me is the end, behind me is the mob of judging eyes. Why are they always so eager to strike him down and point out his flaw? His one flaw! His mind proceeds to ponder, if I take but one step forward I shall slip away and the unmerciful waters will surely crush me, that will be my end. Lacking motivation to continue life and knowing full well that no one would care if he disappears, he reaches a conclusion. He took that one step forward. His body hits the ocean, head first, he doesn't even try to swim against the waves. However, the moment he is in the water, all is calm. The wind stops, the strength of currents suddenly weaken. It would seem God above does not wish for him to perish, He grants him a second chance, some would say. Some would say that God looks to him with favor, for surviving the harshness of stormy waves. However to him, he will see it as a curse. His body is transported to the shore, a long way off from the cliff of which he chose to fall. He awakes by the light of the dawn. I live? I should have died, why can't God call me away? Everyone I know hates me, my own children look at me with scorn. For this was not his first time trying to escape, but always by chance, by nature or by the hand God, he lived. He lives and cannot die, at least not by his own hand. If only there was someone willing to take my life for me. If only I could be subjected to inescapable death. What twisted fate has given him a life of grueling surroundings? His home is where he is not loved, ever since his flesh succumbed to the soft skin of she and her friends. He makes up his mind,  if he cannot die, then he shall travel away from whence he came. I shan't return, I will find a home elsewhere, far away from all who persecute me. Early in the morning, he travels up the sandy shores along the beach and though his surroundings appear unfamiliar by shadows and solids all new, he knows where he wants to go, he is not lost.

Don't Call me Home

Just something that I dabble, a pray of my deepest desire. Whoever is reading this, take note, I have been praying this pray on and off, for years. (Please forgive me for any grammatical errors.)

Don't Call me Home

I am still yang, I still have many years to come, many goals to conquer. But I have grown old over the years and as time moves swiftly, I'll barely notice. Time rushes right past me and I foolishly take all for granted. My days are numbered, I think I'm starting to understand just how little I got. So while I still care, listen to this pray: Keep my body in tact, make it strong, agile and wise. Bless me with longevity for years to come. Give me endurance to withstand, patience to withhold. Let me stay healthy always, keep youth always in reach. Allow me to someday proudly wear the Crown of Grey Strands. Let me die of old age, let me die in my sleep, let me die knowing I have served my purpose fully. Don't call me home until I reap all that I have sown!
When I was but a child I labored seldom, I was shrouded with laughter and of innocence. But now that I've grown in more ways than one my mind is vile, my thoughts are wicked, I am passionate, determined, focused and all so distracted to the fact time is fleeting. Time is wasting away. So while I still care, please listen to this pray: Bless me with health, longevity for years to come. Keep my body strong, agile and wise. Don't let me be victimize with lies! Give me endurance to withstand, patience to withhold. Let me someday proudly wear the Crown of Grey Stands. Let me die of old age and not of shame, let me die in my sleep and not in pain, let me die knowing I have seen all I was meant to see. Don't call me home until I have finished the race. Don't call me home! Not yet, not now! Let me die of old age and not of shame, not of greed, not of mourning, let me die in my sleep, not in pain, not in fright, not in doubt, let me die knowing I have done your will.
I still have much to learn, still many lies to overcome. I am waiting for me to realize how precious a life can be. So, until then, don't call me home, don't call me home!
Let me die of old age, let me die in my sleep...

Going Back

I wrote this a long time ago, while reminiscing, I decided to jot down what I was feeling, thinking and so on. 

Whoever is reading this, please take note, the pain is gone, but I still want to go back.

(Please forgive me for any grammatical errors)

Go Back

I want to go back in time, relive the laughter so I can forget my current pain. So I can recall my smile and not my tears. Early mornings in the beach. I'll even relive the boring days. Sleeping in on Saturday, watching hours of cartoons. I'll relive those quite moments in worship, when I felt so broken. Being with a friend just watching old movies. Going over her place just to say hello. I'll go back deep in to past dreams, even the scary ones. Flying across open fields, stealing a car, super powers. I want to go back to those day were things were simple, going to the gym, do school, finish school, play outside. I'll be in church meetings from long ago, old parties, last year events, month old jokes. I want to go back and do the same thing all over again. Going skating with a close friend, sitting next to her. I want to go back and play board games with old friends. Re-meet my current friends, connect all over again. I long to be in those days were I was alone, riding my bike, playing video games, jogging, breathing cold crisp air. Even the small things. Getting lost inside a park, texting a friend states away. To be with my friends and play soccer. Hang out and play tennis with dad. To feel my heart pound when with a friend, who always makes me smile, hugging tight because she means a lot to me. I'll imagine myself back in old holidays of years ago, pumpkin pie of Thanksgiving, ripping Christmas gifts. Hot summer days in cold water, losing my ear plugs then my friends help me find them.

I want to go back in time, but I don't want to be there forever because then I'll never have the chance to make new memories. My life has just begun. I still have room for more moments with friends. I'll wait for it. That way, later on, I'll have more to go back to...