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Thursday, March 8, 2012

research paper

Hello! Somewhere around last year (2011) before Thanksgiving, I did a research paper for my English class, MDC. I did pretty good. My grade on the paper was -A not bad at all ^_^. Don't worry my MLA is good and I did all the research myself. There is NO plagiarism in any of it. As God as my witness!

Enjoy! It's sort of long....


Anorexia
Sheila, a thirteen-year-old girl, for the past 6 months has been steadily losing weight. Her food choices are overly restrictive. She eats alone; so much so, that she does not eat with her family at the dinner table anymore. She is constantly exercising; her parents are terribly worried, but Sheila keeps on saying that nothing is wrong with her (Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder 11). Brideget Engel, Natalie Staats Reiss and Mark Dombeck, all PhD doctors, state that, “The first formal description and diagnosis of anorexia as a medical condition occurred in England during the 1680’s” (par. 5). Anorexia has clearly been around longer than people think, in fact well over 300 years. Nowadays, doctors make a proper diagnosis by performing a few tests. They check the patients’ current height and weight, then a few laboratory tests, then finally, a psychological test. Some would think that more people would take anorexia seriously, but on the contrary, many people fail to see how devastating it can be:  “Anorexia nervosa is a psychiatric disorder characterized by an unrealistic fear of weight gain... the individual is obsessed with becoming increasingly thinner and limits food intake to the point where health is compromised” (anorexia nervosa def. 1). People who are suffering from anorexia will deny the fact that they are dangerously thin. They are convinced that they must lose weight to obtain a healthy body. They may lose weight by limiting their calorie intake, excessive exercise, overdosing on diet pills and vomiting. To an anorexic, eating one simple cookie is like eating a box of cookies. The article, “Anorexia Statistics And Other Eating Disorder Statistics,” states, “1 in 200 women  in the United States have anorexia” (par. 5). Translate that number, and it turns into, “7-10 million women, teens & girls in the United States...” (par. 5). That’s just America alone, in females alone. What would happen if the statistics added males too? What if the statistics included the world? Studies reveal that anorexia is not something someone can develop or recover from over night; there are a series of symptoms to look out for, as well as important treatments to consider.
It is true that anorexia is, in fact an eating disorder, nevertheless no one can deny that anorexia is also a type of psychological disorder. Why and how does an individual begin to think that he or she is fat, when in reality he or she could be perfectly fine? It is time that people start to understand the psychology behind anorexia. Karen SaintLuke, a freelance writer, explains that, “Feelings of fatness and unattractiveness are known to cause this eating disorder” (par. 7). When anorexics look at the mirror they often feel that they are not skinny. Not skinny equals fat and fat equals ugly. Those who suffer from anorexia, struggle with the way they see themselves. Everyone knows that anorexics obsess over staying thin, however, “It is less known that many anorexics obsess about food” (Werdell par. 4). When anorexics are near food or when they are thinking about food they will obsess over mainly two things. The first thing is, how many calories does the food contain? If they are going to eat the food they will obsess over the potions. Anorexics do this because they believe that they have an unhealthy body. Sometimes they may even believe that they are unworthy to be looked at. It is very clear that anorexia is both an eating disorder and a psychological disorder.
Anorexics have several ways to make it seem like they eat more in a day when in reality they do not. They have many strategies, as well as methods to lose weight. These strategies may work at first, but all anorexics suffer the same symptoms. Though they may try to deny it and conceal it, the truth always comes out. The Mayo Clinic staff shares a few of the symptoms, which are, “...dry skin, lack of emotions, fatigue, social withdrawal, dehydration...” (par. 3-4). Anorexics may have dry skin because of such a high lack of water in their body system, which would also explain the cause of dehydration. People with anorexia will sometimes turn down invitations to parties, hanging out with friends mainly because food is involved, thus making them to go through a social withdrawal. Social withdrawal, may be hard to notice, nevertheless it occurs slowly, but surely. Most of the time, they feel fatigue because they have no energy. Other than these symptoms there are some more serious symptoms that must be looked for. Mayo Clinic staff, shares, “...excessive exercising, denial of hunger, low blood pressure, irregular heart rhythms, extreme weight loss...” (par. 3-4). When anorexics do become hungry chances are that they will ignore it or get rid of it by drinking water or chewing gum. When they feel that they have over eaten they must burn away those calories by doing excessive exercise. By constantly exercising and not giving their body the proper nutrition their blood pressure will fall and may keep decreasing over time. The article, “Dangers of Anorexia,” states, “Anorexia nervorsa has a multitude of medical complications, ranging from mild to severe...” (par. 2). These medical complications can, if not treated, cause the individual to die, “...such as heart, kidney, or multiple organ failure or...pneumonia...” (par. 2). On occasion, an anorexic may experience organ failure for a short period of time. This only happens, however, if the anorexic is in severe condition. In the worst case scenario the individual dies because the heart has stopped beating.
Hundreds of girls, if not thousands, suffer everyday from anorexia. This eating disorder may start small, but once it starts to grow it is hard to stop it. The effects of anorexia robs ordinary teens, young adults and even their families from enjoying life. Anorexia is most common in women, but does, in fact affect men. Consider the story of  Tom, he was once a high school diver, but now he is in no condition to participate in the sport. The only foods he ate were health bars and juice. Always exercising to obtain more muscles; but, instead of appearing muscular he looked like a skeleton as one friend jokingly teased him (Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder 12). One may wonder why would men be affected by anorexia, after all, they don’t read Vogue or Instyle magazine, but they do read men’s magazine, which often displays a man with 6-pack abs. Men feel just as pressured as women from the media and society, the only difference is that they tend to conceal it. It is more difficult to spot anorexia amongst males than females because, “...females often use extreme dieting as a gateway into an eating disorder...males are more likely to fixate on exercise, which may appear deceptively healthy” (Vivo par. 3). Unlike women, men will focus mainly on extreme exercises, instead of dieting. Nevertheless, they may include a diet, but the diet will most likely be, “a strict high-protein, no-fat diet” (Vivo par. 1). Signs of anorexia found in women do not appear in men with anorexia. The article, “Male Anorexia,” explains that the, “...classic sign of anorexia, amenorrhea, cannot be applied in men” (par. 9). Amenorrhea is the loss of the monthly period that women receive. However, other than that one symptom there is really no difference.
When family members try to help their anorexic child or sibling by trying to take the individual to a hospital for a proper diagnosis often they will be pushed away. If anorexics are always denying and ignoring their symptoms, weight loss and their current medical condition, how can their family members  help them? Performing a proper diagnosis is critical, sadly, “In many cases, the actual diagnosis is not made until medical complications have developed” (Dryden-Edwards par. 1). These medical complications can range from mild to severe. In some cases, the family member has to force their child or sibling to go to the hospital. However, a family member cannot bring their child or sibling to the hospital based on a gut feeling, “...the patient's symptoms must conform to the guidelines set out in the DSM-IV (the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV)” (“The Anorexia Diagnosis” par. 6). The guidelines are:  weight loss, fear of weight gain, distorted body image and amenorrhea. When anorexia is suspected, “A complete medical and psychological history will be gathered...In addition to a medical history, a complete physical examination is required” (par. 3-5).  The physical exam will include blood tests, “...and electrocardiogram tests will be performed if there is reason to believe the heart has been affected” (par. 5). It should be noted that, “Anorexics may not give accurate answers about weight loss, or attempt to deny the possibility of eating disorders...family members may provide more realistic answers” (par. 4). All these steps, in diagnosing anorexia must be performed to ensure a full recovery. Overall, the process of performing a proper diagnosis can be very stressful for both the family member and the anorexic. Nevertheless, it must be the first step in recovering from the eating disorder.
After a proper diagnosis is completed, it is time to take the next step forward in recovery. The next step is finding the right treatment to help the anorexic. A person with anorexia who starts treatment early will most of the time make good progress, but a person with anorexia who starts treatment when the disorder is serious will have a most difficult time. Different treatment options should be looked into depending on the condition of the anorexic. One internet source gives an example, “A hospital stay is needed for those who are seriously underweight or who have severe medical problems” (WebMD par. 1). If the anorexic is in serious condition it will be required that the individual stays in the hospital. The stay, could be over night, two days or more, it all depends with the condition and the cooperation of the patient. When a family has a child, who is anorexic it is highly recommended for the family to take family therapy it, “...helps parents support their child, both emotionally and physically. It also supports parents in creating a normal eating pattern for their child” (par. 7). Family members, will benefit greatly by partaking in family therapy. They will gain a better understanding of their child’s condition and how they can help their child through this eating disorder. Nutrition is very important when treating anorexia and should not be taken lightly. A nutritional treatment plan, usually involves appointments with a personal nutritionist or dietitian for the anorexic. Together, they will create an eating plan to help the anorexic  gain weight. The nutritionist will help make meal plans with a good amount of calories to reach and keep a healthy weight (Smith and Segal par. 35). Also, there are treatment centers all throughout the United States. The treatment center will include several treatment options, “...such as art therapy, equine assisted psychotherapy, body image and experiential therapy” (Remuda Ranch par. 4). Treatment should take place right after the diagnosis and should always have a comforting atmosphere. It may be really hard and scary for an anorexic to go through treatment, so it is crucial for the family to be supportive.
Anorexia is an extremely serious disease, both physically and mentally. It slowly drains the life of the person. This psychological disorder may carry many deadly medical conditions if the appropriate steps are not taken, nevertheless there are some people out there who have overcome this terrible disorder. Consider the story of Diana, “When Diana Anderson started high school, she was a healthy athlete...when her long-term boyfriend broke up with her, the picture wasn’t so rosy” (Smith par. 1). This was the point for Diana where she felt rejected. Thought after thought were streaming through her mind of not feeling pretty enough, why else would her boy-friend break up with her? Diana explains what happens next, “I [Diana] really turned to fitness as a way to control my life...Soon enough, I dropped from 120 lbs...to 110, then 100lbs, and then below 100 lbs within months” (par. 2). Diana felt that the only possible way to ever control the chaos in her life was if she controlled what went inside her mouth. It didn’t take long for the disease to consume her, “Over time she seemed to lose the joyfulness that she always had. Then there began to be physical symptoms as well as the change in her mood” (par. 3). The symptoms of anorexia may be hard to notice at first, but become more distinguishable as time goes by. Diana’s mother didn’t know what to do, “As a last resort, Diana’s mother decided to research all of her symptoms online...After a year of studying the Bible and praying about her anorexia, Diana was completely delivered from her eating disorder” (par. 8-14). It took a whole year, but Diana along with her family never gave up, “She’s even written a book called Miss University to help college-age girls keep fitness and nutrition in balance” (par. 14). Of course, the process of her recovery was very difficult, but who is to say that she didn’t have any help? Diana states a Bible verse that had helped her greatly, “Corinthians 6:19 has always been my go-to verse since I‘ve been well” (par. 15). Anorexia was controlling Diana’s life and she didn’t even know it. Her mother, took the first step and showed Diana the facts. Then, afterwards, Diana began her process of recovery and was successful. Recovering from anorexia is not impossible, it never was.
Sheila, a thirteen-year-old girl was slowly isolating herself. She had been steadily decreasing in her weight over the past 6 months by being overly restrictive in her food options and by constantly exercising. Sheila’s parents tried on several occasions to warn her, but each time Sheila pushed them away claiming that she felt fine. There are many other girls out there in America who are just like Sheila trying their best to be as thin as possible in order to gain a healthy body. The fact is, anorexia is more than a simple eating disorder it is a mental disorder as well. Feelings of fatness and not being pretty consume their lives, if they don’t see themselves as thin they will think they are fat and ugly. Because of this, they will try every way they know how to be thin. In the process of doing so, they will try their best to conceal their symptoms, by coming up with excuses or by wearing baggy clothes to hide their weight loss. People suffering anorexia will always think they know what they are doing, they are in constant denial. Ignoring their dry skin, lack of emotion, low blood pressure and many other symptoms that, if not treated soon will cause them to die, such as organ and heart failure. Truth be told, girls are not the only victims of anorexia there are many boys and young male adults facing the same trails. Tom was once a great athlete, but now his body is in no condition to play sports. Tom only allowed himself to eat health bars and juice. Even his friends now tease him calling him a skeleton. Anorexia affects both females and males. There are many other Toms as well as Sheilas in America. It is harder to identify anorexia in males than in females mainly because men do not partake in fad diets and they do not suffer from the classic signs of anorexia as females do, such as amenorrhea. Therefore, it is harder to diagnose men than it is with women. The diagnosis process may take a long time to complete depending on the anorexic’s condition and cooperation. A proper diagnosis, will include laboratory tests, such as a blood test followed by psychological test, so the doctors can discern whether or not the patient has a distorted body image, then finally, if the it is suspected that the heart has been affected it will be required to perform a electrocardiogram test. It is important that right after the diagnosis are finished to consider treatment options for the anorexic patient. A nutrition plan designed to help the patient reach a healthy weight is a necessity, as well as therapy sessions. Family members should be involved during this process, therefore they should consider partaking in family therapy. If the anorexic’s condition is beyond the control of the parents and if the condition is critical the doctors may highly recommend taking their child to a treatment center where the best team doctors are available. The entire recovery process is most challenging and may take months to years, and the person may experience, occasionally a relapse. Nonetheless, there are people out there who have fully recovered from anorexia. Diana is a perfect example. It took her a whole year to overcome anorexia and she is now living a healthy example for all girls out there struggling with weight. If anyone wants to know more about eating disorders along with anorexia they should look into this website:  http://www.anad.org/.




Works Cited
“The Anorexia Diagnosis.” Tree. Tree.com, Inc., 2011. Web. 27 Oct. 2011.
“Anorexia nervosa.” TheFreeDictionary. Farlex, Inc., 2011. Web. 21 Oct. 2011.
“Anorexia Nervosa - Treatment Overview.” WebMD. WebMD, LLC., 2011. Web. 28 Oct. 2011.
“Anorexia Statistics And Other Eating Disorder Statistics.” EatingDisorders411.com. EatingDisorders411.com., June 2010. Web. 22 Oct. 2011.
“Dangers of Anorexia.” EatingDisoders. Guze Books, LLC. 2010. Web. 26 Oct. 2011.
Dryden-Edwards, Roxanne. “How is Anorexia Nervosa Diagnosed.” MedicineNet.com. MedicineNet Inc., 2011. Web. 27 Oct. 2011.
Engel, Bridget, Natalie Staats Reiss and Mark Dombeck. “Historical Understandings.” MentalHelp.net. CenterSite, LLC., 2011. Web. 21 Oct. 2011.
Lock, James and Daniel Le Grange. Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder. New York:  A Division of Guilford Publications, Inc., 2005. Print.
“Male Anorexia.” HubPages. HubPages Inc., 2011. Web. 25 Oct. 2011.
The Psychology of Anorexia and Bulimia.” Papers4You.com. Papers4You.com, 2011. Web. 23 Oct. 2011.
Smith, Audra. “Diana Anderson:  Overcoming Anorexia.” The 700 Club. The Christian Broadcasting Network, Inc., 2011. Web. 2 Nov. 2011.
Smith, Melinda and Jeanne Segal. “Anorexia Nervosa Sings, Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment.” HelpGuide.org. n.d., Oct. 2011. Web. 31 Oct. 2011.
“Symptoms.” Mayoclinicstaff.com. MFMER., 2011. Web. 24 Oct. 2011.
Vivo, Meghan. “Male Eating Disorders:  Re-valuating The Stereotypes.” Eating Disorders Treatment. n.d., 2010. Web. 25 Oct. 2011.
“Welcome to Remuda Ranch.” Remuda Ranch. Remuda Ranch. 2011. Web. 2 Nov. 2011.
Werdell, Phil. “Anorexia and Food Addiction.” FoodAddiction.com. Acorn, 2011. Web. 23 Oct. 2011.



Saturday, February 18, 2012

summer days

   Hello once again. Last time, I was talking about summer of 2010 and how I was swimming early in the morning everyday. And because of this my mom, I think, was little worried because of that. Don't get me wrong, I was a little worried myself, but I was too busy enjoying the water.

Anyway, I would aide for two weeks straight and take two weeks off, then do another two weeks or something like that. Sometimes, my sister and I were desperately needed, so we couldn't take our two week break. Oh, wait, let me tell you a funny story, I think it happened either in the summer of 2010 or 2011 one of those two. Well, it was deep water drill, where we take all the little ones to the deep end (not deep at all, only 4ft) and then with all that we taught them in the shallow pool they do it in the deep end. I was with this little girl, waiting for her in the water, but she was scared to jump in, so I said, "Come on, it's 4 feet deep and you're 4 feet tall." She does her math and jumps in, without a second thought. Once she jumped in the water, that's when I realized, she wasn't 4 feet tall at all. But don't worry, I caught her and she did everything she was supposed to do really well.

Anyway, believe it or not, but summer of 2010 went well. I can only remember two minor mishaps, but even then it wasn't that much. And one of those mishaps had noting to do with my weight. It was the 4th of July and I was watching a big firework show (awesome stuff) and I had a sparkler in my hand. Well, my friend, Lauren said that once my sparkler would burn out, she would touch it with her thumb because, you know, why would it be still hot anyway? It burnt out and I was waiting for her to touch it, but she said, "I can't do it. I'm too scared. It's probably still really hot."
Then I said, "What? Really? Come on. Okay, I'll do it." I reached out with my thumb and grabbed the sparkler. Needless to say, in less than 2 seconds my thumb got burn. I yelled, "Ow! Why did I just do that!?"
"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" asked Lauren
"My thumb is burned. I am not okay." I mustard up some courage and I fought back the tears. After going to the Publix across the parking lot, I watered my finger with cold water and ice.
Now that I look back to that day, I laugh. ^o^ Because it's so funny and a little stupid!!  Ahh....good times, good times. I hope I never ever forget that moment of July with Lauren. Never ever.

I think I should stop here, even though I didn't cover much, but my sister needs to use the computer for homework.  See you later.    I <3 GOD!       

Sunday, February 5, 2012

continuing where I left off

Hello again! I'm sorry, it took me some time to post again, but hey, at least I don't disappear for a whole year. Just to recap:  I ride my bicycle every weekday, and I loved it! However, when I went for my weigh-in, I lost weight. At first, I didn't know how much, until I asked my mom. It turned I lost only half a pound. The doctors made such a big deal over it, I though lost 3lbs. Therefore, the thought of my losing more than a pound, next time scared me crazy! I was scared because I thought the doctors would take away my exercise. (my pride and joy) Second to God, of course!  The only way to stay safe, was if I kept my weight the same number.

Let's get things rolling! Every time I went to Publix, with my mom, I would weigh myself, when she wasn't looking. I would always make sure that none of my family members would see me. I would do this because I wanted to make sure I maintained my weight. As you can imagine, this made me very stressful and frustrated. On some days, I lost weight and I wouldn't know weather to be happy or scared. On other days, I gained and I would feel terribly awful, but on most days I maintained my weight. However, I would always worry, "Will I weigh the same next week, tomorrow?" Always worry.
Worrying over every little thing is very stressful, so don't do it! Like the Bible says: Which one of you by worrying can add a cubit to your stature?  
I still rode my bike and I loved it ^_^ however, there a few days, where I was unable to ride my bike. My mom was too busy, it was raining, stuff like that. It barely happened, but when it did, I would get extremely mad/worry. No way to live. Nevertheless, that's what I did, and it worked. I maintained my weight. Then, before I knew it, it was Summer. School was ending and it wad definitively getting hot.

You might think to yourself, "ah, yes Summer, I can finally relax." Well, not for me.
Every Summer, I went to swimming classes. I would swim all morning and I loved it. I LOVE swimming, doing lap after lap after lap. Pure bliss for me! This Summer, would be a little different, instead of learning how to swim, I was going to teach. Last year, 2009, I took a swimming and written test, that allowed me to like the assistant teacher in swimming classes. People like that war called, aide. Every aide, in the middle of class must leave the class they are helping in and do 20 laps. It was a MUST!
I couldn't do 20 laps, so I would do 12-16 laps, (now I can do 18-20 laps in between classes) but after the classes where done, I would get in the pool again and do more laps. Needles to say, I loved it!

In fact, I still teach in the same pool, let me show you a picture.
Pretty cool, right? The water is spring water, so it is pretty cold. But I like it cold! I am in love with that pool. I hope I never stop going. I hope every Summer, I'll go to that pool and swim for hours ^_^
My mom was a little worried I would get carried away I swim too much. I didn't think about that at all. I swam and I felt so free. I would aide in shallow pool (I still do). I think I should stop here, and recollect my thoughts, during this timeline. Because I can't remember everything.

END    I <3 GOD!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

In my opinion, a person can sort of get the feel of how another person is like by listing to the type of music that the person listens to. You know, chances are a really girly girl would most likely enjoy Lady Ga Ga or something. If a person heard that another person was very much into classical music that person could easily assume that he/she is smart or intelligent and dresses real nice.
So, I think that if I show you a few songs that I like, that make me want to dance, you might just get to know me better. You won't really know anything about other than what songs I listen to on a daily basis. I'm just going to put a few, but I am also going to put down A LOT!
Let get this train wreck rolling!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Q_B-VxcfRc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9aOv5YMVPI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3jTQhx62-s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXxJrBNAec8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgzGwKwLmgM&ob=av2e

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YV5e7mWcQJE (this song is really old, but done by the best dancing couple ever known!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anLfoy2XsFw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLkMA3wn70Q

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjQ7vBQGLGw I am a girl you know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luXrDpGie4E This song, I think really describes who I am.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqFIPiN_V3g       http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rq1CDEXPqaw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlAe77E3gxY       http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06ZGaFkyl0U

I think I'd better stop here. I got carried away. Sorry about that.

another part of when I left

Okay let's get things rolling! First I want to say I'm sorry for the fact that it took such a looong time to proceed on to the next part of my last post. The one in December, where I was secretly exercising, and then I got discovered after the BBQ party. I'm just recapping a bit so that way you't won't be totally lost. Then, as you know, the next 72 hours/3 days were a living hell. Horrible stuff. Anyway, I ended the post explaining, that finally my doctor told me,  I could exercise :)

But if I could just side-trike for a moment. I remember, that whenever I was in church or hanging out with friends there was always at least two people that would ask me, "How do you feel?" "Are you okay?" or tell me "I've been praying for you." And all that jazz. I hated it! Hate it! The question, "how do you feel?" the person wasn't just asking if at the moment I was fine, no the person was asking for my overall status, I guess. How were things at the house? Are you eating enough? At first the questions and the comments were okay. People praying for me that made me feel good, but day after day they kept asking me the same question. How did they think I felt?? I felt annoyed and frustrated because all I wanted was to lose weight and become as thin as possible. I didn't wanted to go back to the hospital ever again. It's very confusing:  I didn't want to go back to where I started, yet at the same, I wanted to continue in the steps that led me down that very path. I was contradicting myself BIG time!
Let's just say during that time of my life my logic wasn't very logical.

Refocusing back to the main point of my post. I could finally workout! I bought a bicycle with my own money. I would ride that bicycle every week-day morning with my mom around the neighborhood. Whenever I was on that bike I felt free. Not just because the wind was in my face, but because I was doing something that I loved! I crave for exercise everyday! Everyone should work out. And yes a person can easily get a workout without going inside a gym. (For all those people who hate the gym). Me on the other hand I LOVE LOVE the gym!! However, back to what I was talking about. Two or three months go by, still riding the bicycle, still loving it, I had a doctors appointment I needed to go to. I went, I got weighed and then my doctor didn't look too please. She wanted to make sure I didn't lose any weight, so just to be safe side she weighed me 3 times or so. I got nervous real fast. I lost weight. On other days I would be glad, not that day. My doctor asked me how much I was exercising. I told her how much. This time I told the whole truth.  She was about to give a long speech, I just knew it. But then she asked if I had gotten my period. "Yes." Then she said, "Great! Then there's nothing to really worry about. Just don't overdue it Raquel." It was too late. I got soooo nervous, thinking that I was in deep trouble, I was crying. Crying a lot. In the end, I left the hospital glad that me having the period saved me, but sad and frustrated that I lost weight when I wasn't supposed to. But then a light went on in my head:  how much weight did I lose exactly??

I asked my mom about it. She didn't want to tell me. But I was persistent. I lost half a pond. Half! The doctor made such a big deal about it, I thought I lost 3lbs! What's the deal!? I got mad. However, at the very same I got scared and I became very worried. I thought to myself, "If they made such a fuss over not even one pound I don't want to think about what would've happened if I lost 3 pounds." That experience made me very scared of losing weight. Because I thought the doctors would lecture me, my mom and dad would give me a very long speech right after. Every time weighed myself all I wanted was to maintain my weight. If gained weight I would feel awful just awful! If I lost weight I would freak out, and get scared. Terrified that the doctors would take away my exercising. Maintaining my weight was like my safe zone. It guaranteed me that nothing bad would happen.

Let's stop here and call it a day. I think I covered a good amount.    I <3 GOD!!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

some random poems

    Okay, so during those few moments in my life where I don't know what to do on the computer and I'm bored because I already finished my workout or I finished school really fast, stuff like that. I like to type poems into my computer and I save them in Microsoft. Well, I thought to myself "why not I post some of my poems" You should know that my twin sister writs poems too. I will be sure to include a few of her poems.
Here's a challenge try and figure which ones are my sister's and which ones are mine. Maybe I should give hints along the way....I don't know. Most of our poems are sad and with sorrow (only because it is easier to describe and create an image) But my sister likes to make every sentence have a rhyme. I barely try to do that. Sometimes to do that, but I prefer to use words for description.
Let us get things moving!


Good Night

Night creeps with no warning I seem to be caught in the same cycle
Again and again I sleep into the same routine
No way out and only one way in
How did I get here and now I can’t go back there
Home sweet home is now a distant dream
As I now live in this nightmare.
I dare someone to save me with himself not getting caught
Caught in this hell-hole
This whole thing is no lie as I die with no one here
My last cry will blast the walls of my skull
But not one will hear this heart beat
This beat of death will not beat life
My wife says stay with me
But she seems to fade away
My way of life is now getting dark
No hope is here and I sleep into this again
Can I gain life?
Can I fake my way back
My mind draws a blank and I can’t think
I sleep and I won’t wake.
Good night
Good-bye light.

 Arms of Winter.

December made you happy with the thought of gifts
Gifts that would be tucked under the tree.
The lights would shine in a set pattern.
Out of the window the wind calls out to you.
An invitation to a snow wonder land.
As you step outside Winter’s arms embraces you.
Chills travel through your body as Winter’s arms tighten.
It’s sharp and crisp.
The forest is covered in a blanket of snow resting upon a bed of snow.
It is soft to touch.
Nothing can ever be as good as this.
Sad to say Winter starts to become harsh.
Soft snow is forgotten.
Replace with ice.
The blanket of snow is now a sheet of thickness.
Your hands are num and black.
Can’t move your own two feet without feeling regret.
Winter shows you its beauty only for a moment.
It quickly changes into a cursed season.
Longing for spring.
Where lilies bloom with clover fields.
Where Spring surrounds you with a soft breeze
Not now as Winter cuts to your core and breaks it.
December was nice at first.
Not now.
The mood has changed.
And so has you.
Winter leaves you hard and cold.

 Awaken

I scream out from this pit I have fallen into.
I yell from the Abyss.
Will no one come to my aid?
I cry out loud but my echo just seems to be
The only response I hear.
My only motivator is fear.
What have I done with all my dreams?
The sun comes over the crakes of this prison
Its light beams through my only source
Of hope that keeps me alive.
Just knowing that the skies are still blue.
That birds still fly south. I hear the rustle
Of their feathers.
 I scream out loud again.
But my throat has gone dry it brings pain.
Must keep fighting but I can’t wake up.
The blow on my head is what made me
Lie down in the bed filled with nurses.
I hear voices. They have given up on me.
Even my love has turned away.
But I dare not give in!
I with the little strength I have awake!
My motivator is no longer fear!
I strive to awake with purpose!
And so I am free. I can see the 
Skies… and there’re blue.

Rainbow

The rainbow bends with color
And each color is different
But they merge to make the same thing
How shameful it is to just look
And not be grateful for such beauty
Be thankful for this promise
That floats in the sky
It lies down in an arch
But it’s funny to know
That only after a storm 
This beauty is formed
During the storm we only see dark clouds
But take heart and look far ahead
Look beyond your fear
And when you near the end
A rainbow will appear.

Doom

It looms above
It’s not pretty
Like a flower bloom
The noise is loud
Like a boom
Doom it says
And you have to pay
Every owe you have
You thought you gave it all
But it’s taking you back
Doom it says
Life ends in a great shock
A tombstone is your stumbling block
You die alone
Doom it said
You’re now dead
Trapped underground
The sound of your family’s cry
Doom it will say
One by one your family
Pays your debt
One by one they will hear too
Doom it will say

Pointless

All of them were lined up and ready.
All of them waiting for their leader to rise.
Waiting, hoping that maybe fate will leave them be.
This war was to be their last.
As the leader tried to give words of triumph
They knew it was all hopeless.
What’s the point? Fighting over something
That was never yours.
Fighting to win a losing battle.
Their beacon of hope, gone.
It broke into more pieces than sand.
No matter? What’s the point?
To die for a cause that has no meaning?
As they ran across the field praying
That God almighty might spare their lives.
Though they strived they came short.
They are soldiers with tormented souls.
Living a life with nothing, but foul.
With the first striking noise of their blades
That’s when they knew.
And on that night none came back.
The leader’s head dangles on the edge of a spear.
Their fears of fate were met.
No excuse. No hope. What’s the point? 

Day or Night

So bright in the sky
The light hurts your eyes
But without it you can’t see
And when it sets
It let’s you see without a strain
Without pain you can see stars
But it gets darker and darker
And soon you long for the brightness
You trip in the dark
You hear barks but where are they
You fear for what you can’t see
But then a beam of light
And it seems too bright
You turn your eyes and now you can see
You are still in the same place
Day or night you still walk the same pace
Day or night you still face problems
Day is bright
Night is dark
But both are so beautiful

Powerless

Its night time and it’s late. 
You should really get some rest.
But you can’t the pain is too strong.
Everyday you try your best.
You strive to belong.
And I can’t sleep knowing that you’re sad.
You turn away your head behind shadows.
Try to ignore your feelings.
Like there not even real. But you’re
Not made out of steel.
Last night I saw tear stains on your cheeks
As they slowly roll down but they
Never hit the ground.
And I feel so powerless to
Hear you cry because there’s nothing
I can do to help you get by.
I try to give words of comfort
But they always come out dry.
Your pain is deep and it hurts me
To see tear stains on your cheeks as they slowly
Roll down but they never hit the ground.
You always wipe them clean.
I feel so powerless to see you cry.
Almost everyday.
My thoughts get all twisted.
And there’s nothing I can say.
I feel so powerless…just powerless.

This is the World

Welcome to existence
Welcome to the world
Behold the great mysteries of the untold.
You’re so naive to believe almost
Anything that comes to mind
Because you’re so blind.
This is reality not fantasy! What don’t you see?
This is the world it’s harsh I know, but still its home!
A faint whisper calls from behind, your past
It’s coming back trying to get you to
Believe again in all the stories about
Legends and kings from long ago.
All lies!
You want something solid and real
Not plastic and fake. 
There is no room for games.
This is the world it’s harsh I know, but still its home! 
Your imagination plays no part in this life!
There is no time to daydream.
This is the world! Where you fight and claw
Your way to everything! Where people
Work in set patterns day by day.
And the tall tales of your childhood should
Be replace with logic and facts.
Like sheets of documents.
This is the world!
But still it is home….

Can you really love me…?

Can I make a stand?
With no helping hand
Am I really on my own
Am I really forgotten and alone
All night I moan
Over all I have lost
I thought is was worth the cost
But it was proven to me
That all I have done and seen
Are just a passing dream
I thought my plan was perfect
But it was a scheme against me
I neglect the pain inside
I run and I try to hide
Your arms spread across wide
You try to show me
That you’re by my side
But every time you are denied
And I do see your love and your grace
But my past says I’m a disgrace
Can I really be loved with this fear?
And yet you say you are here!
With all that I have done
With all that I have said
Can you really love me…? 

Dream again

All shattered. Feeling a little worthless.
Hope once in abundance has all scattered.
Emotions flooding through their skulls.
Can’t see the difference between happiness and joy.
Is this the end for us? Should we dig our graves alone?
Born in a world that’s torn.
Certain people find real joy.
They keep it shut deep inside their soul.
It’s the best kept secret.
Life is fleeting and we’re stuck moping.
Reality strikes hard and slower each time.
Take courage to dream again!
We know deep down we need to believe.
Drag your weary, sorry bones.
Casting all fear take courage to dream again!
Gazing over the comments of outsiders.
Tears growing in our sockets.
Do you really want to kick the bucket?
Take courage to dream again!
Our time here is short.
People out there are lost.
You were one of them before.
Their dreams are wasting faster then us.
Take courage to dream again!
That’s what they need to hear….

April Fool’s

The stars are in the morning sky
Birds walk and fish fly
And the happy ducks shy away
What’s up with today?
Nothing is going the right way
Look the sun is green
My room is actually clean
My favorite dish taste like soybean
What’s up with today?
Nothing is going the right way
Maybe I said something wrong
Maybe I’ve been out in the sun too long
An ant is all of sudden strong
This as gone too far
My soda bottle is now a jar
People smoke straws like cigars
My dad is driving a cat like a car
I CAN’T GO ON
Why is this upon me?
What’s up with today?
Nothing is going the right way.
I run home hoping maybe it’s still the same
I rush inside praying this is the end of the game
My family screams “Happy April Fool’s Day!”
Oh how I’m filled with shame
Now I know what’s up with today
Now I know why nothing is going the right way
Happy April Fool’s Day!

Right Now.

Right now, I don’t wanna close my eyes.
Because then you might leave me.
Right now, I just want to feel your heart
Beat against my chest.
Forget that I was ever upset.
Take a moment and stay with me.
You make the howling fears fade away.
Right now, I want you to hold me tighter.
Then maybe my fright will leave.
Right now, I don’t wanna let you go.
Keep me company.
My mind stands still when you’re near.
Right now, the time ticks 12 o’clock.
I don’t wanna leave.
Right now, I dare not shut my eyes.
Because when I do I might just be alone.
Reality seeks desperately for me.
But right now, you’re the only
Thing that’s real to me.

Hope is made

Time will also fade
Life will not stay the same
Love is just a game
But hope will be made
Dreams are crushed away
Laughter is forever gone
Understanding will be entirely done
But hope will be found my way
Though life seems black and dim
Give me a chance
My body is weak and limp
Give me more than just a glance
Hope will be made
Hope is still here
Hope is everywhere
So I take heart
And I will not part
Dreams will come back
Laughter will no longer be lacked
Love is in your future
Never give in

My Old Friend

Hello, Darkness my old friend.
Remember how I hid with you when
My pains seemed like they would never end?
When my growing fears never cease?
I cringe tight with you because I was alone
You brought me release.
With you, I felt nothing, a sense of peace.
Life couldn’t touch us. Its problems couldn’t find us.
Together, we gave each other comfort.
With you, I didn’t have to put any effort.
Because you were my secret fort. 
Like a tower of refuge high above.
Darkness, my old friend, you kept love from hurting me.
Discarded my emotions to the holes of my heart
But we broke apart.
I came out, can’t you tell? You were no friend.
You were a cell.

Try to Understand

Hiding behind a smile
I am staring into fate with doubt
Cringing in a corner
Fearing that twill come time shadows
Overlooking thine strong hand thither shall lead
Dust tarry betwixt hither and yonder
Wherefore pains still haunt my slumber
Nary will I rest! Nary!
Whence comest thou? I beseech!
Yore, the world of peace overmany moons
Anon foul destiny drags me below
Shalt I die if I flee from it?
Old goot thou art! Slay me!
I lost my will to care anymore.
Henceforth ye scorns my dreams
Wherefore?

(okay so this last poem may be hard to understand, but you can try. I mean it's old English or anything. It's middle English, so you shouldn't have such a hard time) 

I <3 GOD!!  ^_^



Monday, December 26, 2011

This will be another look into what my life looks like now. What my routine is like now and all that jazz.

Let us begin. As you may have already noticed it is Christmas, which means I am in Christmas vacation as most other kids these days. I passed my English class with a big A! However, that was kind of a no-brainier for me. It was challenging, but I passed my ASL 2 class with a good A too. ^_^  On day very first day of my ASL 2 class, my teacher signed the entire class, I was freaking out. Most of what he was signing looked like random gestures in my opinion. But that is only because I hadn't learned those signs yet. However, I didn't quit. I stuck to my studies and I reaped the benefits. Since, I am not doing school at this moment I am not going to the gym because Miami Dade is closed for the holidays. So, for my source of exercising I am playing tennis! My twin sister and me deeply enjoy tennis. Her favorite player is Roger Federer. My favorite player is Rafael Nadal. But I think my sister is starting to become a Djokovic fan. He's okay.
In fact, I am going to play tennis today!

When school starts again (the 4th of Jan) I am totally going to sign for the gym in Miami Dade. Just like I did in the Fall semester. It's going to be soooo much fun!! I love working out! Love it! I love the gym :) Some people don't. Some people prefer playing sports and that's good. It's matter of opinion.

I have already decided. That no matter what going to the gym and working out will always always be part of my daily routine! But you already know that I am a health nut and proud of it!

My life now is very relaxed, I mean I'm not doing any school work. Next year, I plan to do a 8k that's 5 miles. 2 more miles than my regular 5k races. But I am determine, so that's what I am going to do. There is nothing really major going on in my life at the moment, but I am please to report that all is good.

I <3 GOD!!!