This will be another look into what my life looks like now. What my routine is like now and all that jazz.
Let us begin. As you may have already noticed it is Christmas, which means I am in Christmas vacation as most other kids these days. I passed my English class with a big A! However, that was kind of a no-brainier for me. It was challenging, but I passed my ASL 2 class with a good A too. ^_^ On day very first day of my ASL 2 class, my teacher signed the entire class, I was freaking out. Most of what he was signing looked like random gestures in my opinion. But that is only because I hadn't learned those signs yet. However, I didn't quit. I stuck to my studies and I reaped the benefits. Since, I am not doing school at this moment I am not going to the gym because Miami Dade is closed for the holidays. So, for my source of exercising I am playing tennis! My twin sister and me deeply enjoy tennis. Her favorite player is Roger Federer. My favorite player is Rafael Nadal. But I think my sister is starting to become a Djokovic fan. He's okay.
In fact, I am going to play tennis today!
When school starts again (the 4th of Jan) I am totally going to sign for the gym in Miami Dade. Just like I did in the Fall semester. It's going to be soooo much fun!! I love working out! Love it! I love the gym :) Some people don't. Some people prefer playing sports and that's good. It's matter of opinion.
I have already decided. That no matter what going to the gym and working out will always always be part of my daily routine! But you already know that I am a health nut and proud of it!
My life now is very relaxed, I mean I'm not doing any school work. Next year, I plan to do a 8k that's 5 miles. 2 more miles than my regular 5k races. But I am determine, so that's what I am going to do. There is nothing really major going on in my life at the moment, but I am please to report that all is good.
I <3 GOD!!!
Monday, December 26, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
when I left (next part)
I remember, that while I was secretly exercising, my parents were growing suspicious. I knew I had to be more discreet, but with every opportunity I had to myself I just had to workout. I was falling back into the same hole, but I (along with all anorexics) denied the facts. I was still keeping my diet, however I did tried to find ways to cheat the diet. That didn't really work out. One day, I went to the hospital and my doctor asked me if was exercising. I said no, I lied right through my teeth. The doctor still took my word for it. Inside, I was so relieved that no one suspected anything, but keeping up with the lies was becoming such a burden for me. On the same appointment, the doctor told my mom to buy drinking supplements. You know brands like, Boost and Ensure. My doctor said this because I needed to gain weight. I instantly thought to myself, "I'm going to have to exercise more if I want to maintain my weight." I hated the fact that my mother actually bought some supplement drinks, I hated the fact that I had to take them. The only thing I could was workout more to balance it out.
The more I exercised the more and more I felt that parents one way or another would eventually discover the truth. I tried not to think like that. I think, in the mist of all of that, I might have even felt a little proud that I was keeping a secret like that from my parents. However, one night my family and me were invited to a BBQ and all the kids were playing sports, I wanted to play with them so badly. And so I did. I didn't wait to ask my parents. I didn't care what would they say to me if I played with kids or not. I wanted to do what I wanted. Recall that my parents didn't know that I was secretly working out , so they let my played with the kids. I felt so free and all so happy, but I knew that I was lying....again. We went home and I don't know how the subject came to be, but all of a sudden my secret came spilling out. I was sobbing immensely. I have no idea what my parents were thinking. That night I confessed my secret work outs. My mom asked me how could I have been working out if she never suspected anything. "In the bathroom!" I cried. I don't think she could believe what was I saying because all she said was, "What?" perhaps in shock. I cried and cried. That night was terrible. I felt soooooo bad and sooooo scared. Why did I feel scared? Because I knew that after that night my parents would make sure that I gain weight.
I had another doctor appointment in like three days. Those 72 hours were like hell. I had to eat twice as much as my diet recommended and this time the mom made sure I ate. Those three days I didn't work out at all. Terrible, terrible! I felt like was being punished with every passing minute. When the appointment finally came, I gained weight. I didn't even wanted to think about it. The doctors were pleased and so was my mother. I was not, but then the doctor told me that I could now exercise. I remember saying to myself, "It's about freaking time!!" Needless to say I was angry.
Let's carry this on in the next blog ^_^ I <3 God!
Merry Christmas.
The more I exercised the more and more I felt that parents one way or another would eventually discover the truth. I tried not to think like that. I think, in the mist of all of that, I might have even felt a little proud that I was keeping a secret like that from my parents. However, one night my family and me were invited to a BBQ and all the kids were playing sports, I wanted to play with them so badly. And so I did. I didn't wait to ask my parents. I didn't care what would they say to me if I played with kids or not. I wanted to do what I wanted. Recall that my parents didn't know that I was secretly working out , so they let my played with the kids. I felt so free and all so happy, but I knew that I was lying....again. We went home and I don't know how the subject came to be, but all of a sudden my secret came spilling out. I was sobbing immensely. I have no idea what my parents were thinking. That night I confessed my secret work outs. My mom asked me how could I have been working out if she never suspected anything. "In the bathroom!" I cried. I don't think she could believe what was I saying because all she said was, "What?" perhaps in shock. I cried and cried. That night was terrible. I felt soooooo bad and sooooo scared. Why did I feel scared? Because I knew that after that night my parents would make sure that I gain weight.
I had another doctor appointment in like three days. Those 72 hours were like hell. I had to eat twice as much as my diet recommended and this time the mom made sure I ate. Those three days I didn't work out at all. Terrible, terrible! I felt like was being punished with every passing minute. When the appointment finally came, I gained weight. I didn't even wanted to think about it. The doctors were pleased and so was my mother. I was not, but then the doctor told me that I could now exercise. I remember saying to myself, "It's about freaking time!!" Needless to say I was angry.
Let's carry this on in the next blog ^_^ I <3 God!
Merry Christmas.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Christmas
It has come to my recent knowledge that it's Christmas! And I have no pictures of Christmas or the good old Christmas spirit. Well, I am about to change all that by posting two pictures that I made using: http://www.maplesimulator.com/ (awesome website)
enjoy. ^_^
yea, the first one I made I think last, but the second one I made like two days ago.
Have a Merry Christmas!!
enjoy. ^_^
Have a Merry Christmas!!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
when I left...(who cares which part)
Okay! My last blog, which was in November (my apologies) was mainly about how my sister call me and told me that she signed me up for 48 hours. It's some kind of retreat way off in quite place where you can just pour your heart out to God. It was like a two hour drive or more from my house. Good news, I did go to the retreat and I did pour out my heart to God! I must confess, though I didn't really think God would help me out in that kind of situation, but he did. God always comes through in the end. ^_^
I forgot when exactly was the retreat I think maybe somewhere around February of 2010. While in the retreat, I remember it was there that I realized just how many true friends I had. Even with people, who I barely spoke with, they were praying for me. What I took from that experience was that I should never take friends for granted.
Right when I left the hospital, like in the same night, my family decided to over a friend's house to surprise them with me leaving the hospital. They told me to wait in the car while they went inside the house. The plan was that my farther would tell them that I was still in the hospital, then I would walk in the house and, well, surprise them! My twin sister went to use the bathroom, when I walked in the house. When they so me they thought I was Rebecca my twin sister. But then, all of a sudden my twin sister came behind me and hugged me, I hugged her back too. Instantly, they started freaking out. Big smiles and all :)
The hospital gave me a diet that I had to follow cause I still needed to gain a bit more weight. Needless to say I hated the diet. I felt so stuffed with food all the time. I tried not to make a big deal about it. I also didn't was to get all rebellious because then I would probably had to go back to the hospital. So I stuck to the diet. During this time I wasn't allowed to exercise, which was terrible! (I love exercising! ^_^ It makes me feel happy and studies have shown that it helps get rid of stress.)
I didn't want to gain anymore weight. So, I chose to exercise secretly. My parents didn't know about and neither did my siblings. I still kept the diet, but I was secretly exercising. The only place where I could exercise in privet was the bathroom. So, every time I went to take a bath I would exercise. As a result I maintain my weight. Didn't gain didn't lose. Every time I went to the doctor they would say that I weighed the same. And secretly I was proud that I didn't gain anything, but deep down inside I hated the fact that was lying to my parents.
Let's carry on with this story another time shall we? In my nest blog, yes, indeed! I feel that I covered a lot in this blog.
I <3 God!
I forgot when exactly was the retreat I think maybe somewhere around February of 2010. While in the retreat, I remember it was there that I realized just how many true friends I had. Even with people, who I barely spoke with, they were praying for me. What I took from that experience was that I should never take friends for granted.
Right when I left the hospital, like in the same night, my family decided to over a friend's house to surprise them with me leaving the hospital. They told me to wait in the car while they went inside the house. The plan was that my farther would tell them that I was still in the hospital, then I would walk in the house and, well, surprise them! My twin sister went to use the bathroom, when I walked in the house. When they so me they thought I was Rebecca my twin sister. But then, all of a sudden my twin sister came behind me and hugged me, I hugged her back too. Instantly, they started freaking out. Big smiles and all :)
The hospital gave me a diet that I had to follow cause I still needed to gain a bit more weight. Needless to say I hated the diet. I felt so stuffed with food all the time. I tried not to make a big deal about it. I also didn't was to get all rebellious because then I would probably had to go back to the hospital. So I stuck to the diet. During this time I wasn't allowed to exercise, which was terrible! (I love exercising! ^_^ It makes me feel happy and studies have shown that it helps get rid of stress.)
I didn't want to gain anymore weight. So, I chose to exercise secretly. My parents didn't know about and neither did my siblings. I still kept the diet, but I was secretly exercising. The only place where I could exercise in privet was the bathroom. So, every time I went to take a bath I would exercise. As a result I maintain my weight. Didn't gain didn't lose. Every time I went to the doctor they would say that I weighed the same. And secretly I was proud that I didn't gain anything, but deep down inside I hated the fact that was lying to my parents.
Let's carry on with this story another time shall we? In my nest blog, yes, indeed! I feel that I covered a lot in this blog.
I <3 God!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
when I left...part 2
Okay, first I want to apologize for the fact that I have not been posting lately, but school has been hectic and plus I always find myself watching something on hulu. So, please forgive me. ^_^
Anyway, last time, I was talking about my new room mate, Francesca. Super nice and a little shy. We didn't really talk that much. I remember, almost everytime it was lunch or dinner time she would be unable to finish her food. The nurse would do her best to encourage her, but that wouldn't do much good. Francesca, as I recall had a sister, who was also at the hospital. I think it was because she (Francesca's sis) was super depressed, but that's all I am going to say because I'm pretty sure that if she were right next to me right at this very minute she would want to keep that kinda of stuff privet and I respect that.
My friends from the youth group would constantly visit me :) One time, a friend of mine named Muppet (not his real name) came over to the hospital and bought like 6 other people with him! No lie, but my room was packed. Loved it! My friends and me decided to hang out in the cafeteria. Note: I really don't know if this is true or not cause I can't really remember all the details. However, on with the story! I still had to sit on the wheelchair and Muppet was pushing me. Well, every so often he would look around see if there were any doctors around and if the cost was clear he would lift up the wheel chair and race down the hall!! And we didn't get into trouble.
I wasn't the only one who had friends. One night, a few relatives of Francesca came over. And it just so happen my siblings came over too. We all started chilling and I think we played some sort of card game.
(Side note: Ale while she was still with me would play solitare a lot, I don't like solitare, but that's just me.)
Moreover, there was this one time were Francesca got this big card with picture and a bunch of her friends had written on it saying how much they missed her and how they want to get better and all that jazz.
Francesca had a lot of friends. I don't know if she really knew it or not.
I received a phone call in my room (yea, I had a telephone right next to my bed) it was my twin sister. It was Sunday as I recall. Let me give you some background information: My church was planning this big retreat in some far off distant place away from the city. A two hour drive from the church, not that bad. Anyway, she really really wanted to go, but she didn't wanted to go alone, so she signed me in along with her. Now, you got to remember I was still in the hospital. Moreover, even after I leave the hospital the doctors aren't just going to let me go off for a two days by myself. Mainly because I might just drastically cut back on food all over againg. Let me put some dialouge.
Riiing riing
"Hello?" I answeared.
"Hey, your sis here. You know how the church is having this 48 hr retreat, right?" she said so happily.
"Yea."
"Well, I really want to go, but I don't want to go alone so I signed both of us in!"
"What!"
"Yea, it will be great!"
"what if I can't go?"
"And why not?"
"I don't know. The doctors may think I'm not ready yet or something like that."
"Don't be so negeative! we are signed in and you are going!!"
"Okay..." I replied slowly.
"Yea!" she said with much glee.
We talked some more, but I forgot what about. You should also know I don't rememer the conversation word from word, but I remember the main topic.
I'll tell you the rest in the next blog, which hopefully won't take me sooo long to post.
I <3 God!
Anyway, last time, I was talking about my new room mate, Francesca. Super nice and a little shy. We didn't really talk that much. I remember, almost everytime it was lunch or dinner time she would be unable to finish her food. The nurse would do her best to encourage her, but that wouldn't do much good. Francesca, as I recall had a sister, who was also at the hospital. I think it was because she (Francesca's sis) was super depressed, but that's all I am going to say because I'm pretty sure that if she were right next to me right at this very minute she would want to keep that kinda of stuff privet and I respect that.
My friends from the youth group would constantly visit me :) One time, a friend of mine named Muppet (not his real name) came over to the hospital and bought like 6 other people with him! No lie, but my room was packed. Loved it! My friends and me decided to hang out in the cafeteria. Note: I really don't know if this is true or not cause I can't really remember all the details. However, on with the story! I still had to sit on the wheelchair and Muppet was pushing me. Well, every so often he would look around see if there were any doctors around and if the cost was clear he would lift up the wheel chair and race down the hall!! And we didn't get into trouble.
I wasn't the only one who had friends. One night, a few relatives of Francesca came over. And it just so happen my siblings came over too. We all started chilling and I think we played some sort of card game.
(Side note: Ale while she was still with me would play solitare a lot, I don't like solitare, but that's just me.)
Moreover, there was this one time were Francesca got this big card with picture and a bunch of her friends had written on it saying how much they missed her and how they want to get better and all that jazz.
Francesca had a lot of friends. I don't know if she really knew it or not.
I received a phone call in my room (yea, I had a telephone right next to my bed) it was my twin sister. It was Sunday as I recall. Let me give you some background information: My church was planning this big retreat in some far off distant place away from the city. A two hour drive from the church, not that bad. Anyway, she really really wanted to go, but she didn't wanted to go alone, so she signed me in along with her. Now, you got to remember I was still in the hospital. Moreover, even after I leave the hospital the doctors aren't just going to let me go off for a two days by myself. Mainly because I might just drastically cut back on food all over againg. Let me put some dialouge.
Riiing riing
"Hello?" I answeared.
"Hey, your sis here. You know how the church is having this 48 hr retreat, right?" she said so happily.
"Yea."
"Well, I really want to go, but I don't want to go alone so I signed both of us in!"
"What!"
"Yea, it will be great!"
"what if I can't go?"
"And why not?"
"I don't know. The doctors may think I'm not ready yet or something like that."
"Don't be so negeative! we are signed in and you are going!!"
"Okay..." I replied slowly.
"Yea!" she said with much glee.
We talked some more, but I forgot what about. You should also know I don't rememer the conversation word from word, but I remember the main topic.
I'll tell you the rest in the next blog, which hopefully won't take me sooo long to post.
I <3 God!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
My life now
This blog is going to be, I think fairly short. I couldn't help, but notice that all my blogs are about the past. However, in this blog I am going to talk about how my life is like now. And my future goals in life. Stuff like that. So, I am going to put this blog under a label.
I'm going to college. Doing duel enrollment. That's when you mix high-school with college at the same time. I have two classes. English and ASL 2. They both have been a challenge. I find myself doing a lot of homework. (But that's just my opinion.) I'm working on a MLA paper for English, it's so confusing! Sign Language has been good so far. I had a midterm not too long ago and I didn't really study for it. My bad I guess. Before I go to my English class I go to the gym (the highlight of my day)!
I'm currently training for a 5k. This will be my fourth 5k. And no a 5k is not 5 miles it's 3.1 miles. I was able to convince of friend of mine to do it with me. I hope to beat my record. 29 minutes and 52 seconds. I jog/walk for an hour on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. On Monday and Wednesday I go to the gym :D luv it! You might be wondering "ooh I wonder what does she eat?" "Does she eat six meals a day?" "Are you still uncomfortable around certain food?"
Answer to question 1: I basically eat what I want. I love bran flakes I have that for breakfast almost everyday. I eat fish a lot. Tuna from a can. Tilapia, I wish I could have more Mahi mahi, but tilapia is my favorite. I deeply enjoy Greek yogurt. It's texture and taste is way better than regular yogurt :) I love frozen yogurt!! And ice cream too. A lot of vegetables. Spinach, carrots, tomatoes, broccoli Love them!
Answer to question 2: I don't eat six meals. I eat three. Breakfast is light. I have a heavy lunch. Dinner is medium size I guess. I can't tell. I choose my portions. I make all the decisions now in my food. It used to be the doctors, but now it's on me. Which I think is good practice when I become a nutritionist ^_^
Answer to question 3: Yes, I am. But I'm working my way around it. I used to be scared of jelly, but not anymore. I hate peanut butter. It's too sticky and dry. Plain out ew! I'm right now scared of bagels. (My twin sister loves bagels) I know, why would someone be scared of food? Trust me there are more people out there than you think. My family doesn't buy bagels because it's too pricey. Always after a 5k race there is some food. Bananas, apples, grapes, oranges, cookies and bagels. I sometimes have a bagel after a 5k race. Plus when I do eat a bagel it doesn't really taste that great.
In my personal opinion I think bagels shouldn't be eaten everyday.
Just look at this website: http://www.livestrong.com/article/392011-are-bagels-healthy-for-breakfast/
Enjoy, see you later
I <3 God!
I'm going to college. Doing duel enrollment. That's when you mix high-school with college at the same time. I have two classes. English and ASL 2. They both have been a challenge. I find myself doing a lot of homework. (But that's just my opinion.) I'm working on a MLA paper for English, it's so confusing! Sign Language has been good so far. I had a midterm not too long ago and I didn't really study for it. My bad I guess. Before I go to my English class I go to the gym (the highlight of my day)!
I'm currently training for a 5k. This will be my fourth 5k. And no a 5k is not 5 miles it's 3.1 miles. I was able to convince of friend of mine to do it with me. I hope to beat my record. 29 minutes and 52 seconds. I jog/walk for an hour on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. On Monday and Wednesday I go to the gym :D luv it! You might be wondering "ooh I wonder what does she eat?" "Does she eat six meals a day?" "Are you still uncomfortable around certain food?"
Answer to question 1: I basically eat what I want. I love bran flakes I have that for breakfast almost everyday. I eat fish a lot. Tuna from a can. Tilapia, I wish I could have more Mahi mahi, but tilapia is my favorite. I deeply enjoy Greek yogurt. It's texture and taste is way better than regular yogurt :) I love frozen yogurt!! And ice cream too. A lot of vegetables. Spinach, carrots, tomatoes, broccoli Love them!
Answer to question 2: I don't eat six meals. I eat three. Breakfast is light. I have a heavy lunch. Dinner is medium size I guess. I can't tell. I choose my portions. I make all the decisions now in my food. It used to be the doctors, but now it's on me. Which I think is good practice when I become a nutritionist ^_^
Answer to question 3: Yes, I am. But I'm working my way around it. I used to be scared of jelly, but not anymore. I hate peanut butter. It's too sticky and dry. Plain out ew! I'm right now scared of bagels. (My twin sister loves bagels) I know, why would someone be scared of food? Trust me there are more people out there than you think. My family doesn't buy bagels because it's too pricey. Always after a 5k race there is some food. Bananas, apples, grapes, oranges, cookies and bagels. I sometimes have a bagel after a 5k race. Plus when I do eat a bagel it doesn't really taste that great.
In my personal opinion I think bagels shouldn't be eaten everyday.
Just look at this website: http://www.livestrong.com/article/392011-are-bagels-healthy-for-breakfast/
Enjoy, see you later
I <3 God!
Saturday, October 1, 2011
When I left....part 1
So, Lately I have been talking about how my stay at the hospital and what was it like, how did I feel and all the jazz, but now I want to describe to you my last days.
Those two weeks felt like forever, but at the same time it went by so very fast (I don't if that makes any sense or not). I don't know what day it was. It could have been a Monday or a Friday, heck even a Sunday, but one day all of a sudden I heard that Ale was leaving the hospital. I was thinking to myself, "Who can I talk to now?" I was thinking this because Ale and me began to finally have conversations here and there (she was so sweet). I remember she gave me this Flarp noisy putty thing. I loved it! I played with that putty for hours on end ^_^ However, back to what I was talking about. Ale was leaving! On her last day we were sitting together I think we just finished lunch and I was looking at her, thinking to myself how lucky she was to leave so quickly. I said to myself, "I may never see her again. I can't let this opportunity slip by." I felt a tugging feeling inside. It was like God was telling me to do something. Without giving much thought I just blurted out, "You want my e-mail address?"
Instantly she replied, "Yes!" I was glad when she said that. I quickly found some paper and pen and I wrote down my e-mail.
(harcyMill@gmail.com Go ahead e-mail me if you want. Ask me questions. It can be questions about anorexia, nutrition, what's my life like now. Or you can just comment, whatever.)
Then she gave me her e-mail. I remember she said to me, "But don't e-mail me until you leave the hospital."
I don't know why she said that, but I'm like sure, okay. Then before I knew it, it was already dinner time. Ale was going to leave right after dinner. Her mother and father were with us just counting the seconds I guess.
When Ale was leaving she looked so happy and I was so jealous. I'm not going to lie here. I wanted to leave so bad. My heart went out to Ale. All I want for her is to feel happy in her own skin. Then boom! She left the room and walked away. (ooh and by the way I did e-mail Ale when I left and she did e-mail me back. And yes we still e-mail each other to this day. And YES I love her deeply)! Francisca The next day came along and I got another room mater. She was ten and she had anorexia just like me. Her name was Francesca. I'm not so sure if I spelled it right.
She had blond curly hair as I recall I could be mistaken. She had bright blue eyes. Her eyes were sooo cute. She looked somewhat timid. I am too, when meeting new people.
When we were eating breakfast together in my mind I was comparing her amount of food to mine. She had such a small amount compare to my plate of food.
I wish I could continue onward, but I can't. Mainly because I have some homework that I need to do today. It should be against the law to do school on a Saturday. See ya later.
I <3 God!
Those two weeks felt like forever, but at the same time it went by so very fast (I don't if that makes any sense or not). I don't know what day it was. It could have been a Monday or a Friday, heck even a Sunday, but one day all of a sudden I heard that Ale was leaving the hospital. I was thinking to myself, "Who can I talk to now?" I was thinking this because Ale and me began to finally have conversations here and there (she was so sweet). I remember she gave me this Flarp noisy putty thing. I loved it! I played with that putty for hours on end ^_^ However, back to what I was talking about. Ale was leaving! On her last day we were sitting together I think we just finished lunch and I was looking at her, thinking to myself how lucky she was to leave so quickly. I said to myself, "I may never see her again. I can't let this opportunity slip by." I felt a tugging feeling inside. It was like God was telling me to do something. Without giving much thought I just blurted out, "You want my e-mail address?"
Instantly she replied, "Yes!" I was glad when she said that. I quickly found some paper and pen and I wrote down my e-mail.
(harcyMill@gmail.com Go ahead e-mail me if you want. Ask me questions. It can be questions about anorexia, nutrition, what's my life like now. Or you can just comment, whatever.)
Then she gave me her e-mail. I remember she said to me, "But don't e-mail me until you leave the hospital."
I don't know why she said that, but I'm like sure, okay. Then before I knew it, it was already dinner time. Ale was going to leave right after dinner. Her mother and father were with us just counting the seconds I guess.
When Ale was leaving she looked so happy and I was so jealous. I'm not going to lie here. I wanted to leave so bad. My heart went out to Ale. All I want for her is to feel happy in her own skin. Then boom! She left the room and walked away. (ooh and by the way I did e-mail Ale when I left and she did e-mail me back. And yes we still e-mail each other to this day. And YES I love her deeply)! Francisca The next day came along and I got another room mater. She was ten and she had anorexia just like me. Her name was Francesca. I'm not so sure if I spelled it right.
She had blond curly hair as I recall I could be mistaken. She had bright blue eyes. Her eyes were sooo cute. She looked somewhat timid. I am too, when meeting new people.
When we were eating breakfast together in my mind I was comparing her amount of food to mine. She had such a small amount compare to my plate of food.
I wish I could continue onward, but I can't. Mainly because I have some homework that I need to do today. It should be against the law to do school on a Saturday. See ya later.
I <3 God!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)