LOVE

when we are young, love is so easy to do, the meaning is all so simple. When we are children love is never really explained to us, it was just something that we kept on hearing, and we were told that it was something positive and that love is sensible. By the time we are pre-teens, love changes us. Into very emotional prone drama maniacs, but some teens live sheltered lives and are still unaware about how love can make someone go crazy. Then, we are in smack in the middle of the teen decade, and we think we might know what love is, that wonderful, trip to the moon kiss or that sensational moment when looking into each other's eyes, feeling each other's heart beat. It may seem all so magical. For the first two weeks, then the person (or you) might feel the same incredible ride with a totally different person. Thus, ending the previous relationship of which was defined perhaps two weeks ago as "made in Heaven". This very confusing, very stressful, yet completely routine cycle goes on for a couple of years, however; some teens are late bloomers. But then there are the few of us, who might experience "love" in the later half of the teen decade. By this time, we have a pretty good definition of love, true love, deeper than the Disney characters, this type of affection could be based on adult Hollywood franchised movies, with excessive physical contact, and plenty of CGI explosions in the background. Also, it would seem that before the teen decade even starts, we might already know some slang words or phases the indicate the activity of "true love". Satisfying Emotional X-itement. If that was not clear enough, thank the educational system for blessing all the minds of children with a strong foundation of knowledge. Moving right along, during the later of half of being a teenager, we could be more driven with our studies, hoping to get accepted in some over-top, too exclusive college/university. Sadly, being a book worm, takes away precious time to find "love". It could be said that teenagers nowadays, don't want to find that one person to love for the rest of their lives, in holy matrimony. Nah, more like find anyone, who has the looks, in order to dump on that person, all of our physical drives. Time well spent? To some people, of course. For others (lacking the looks or smooth moves), it ends up being a wild goose chase, with strangely no goose. Odd to say the least. We are now in college, ready for possibly the most life altering four years of our lives. We cram and cram all so often, and some how some way, we still find the time to seek after "love". Because surely by now, we have mastered time management and how to effectively be in a committed relationship, with slight loop holes included that are for some reason kept a secret from both parties. Odd to say the least. We might get married now in between degrees or after some insane mid-term that could very well have been hell on earth. We do it out of desperation? Nah, more like because we think we know when real "love" hits us. It has something to do with the air, right? However, the majority of us, are finally too caught up in our studies and have decided to get the degree first, then settle down. When really, we could just not be interested in love anymore, because well, we still don't get it and we kinda find love now pretty much a drag. I'll fill you in what happens after college, when I am done, which may take years and years. Normal to say the least.

sitting by myself

I'm sitting by myself in a room full of people. I am a long way off thinking about the future. It's getting harder to sleep at night, there are so many questions flooding my mind. None of which can be answered until it is too late, and all is said and done, written in stone. Questions, so many questions about the future that I can't seem to shake. What will become of me in the years to come? Will I have the same convictions or will the hand of society mold me? I do not know, nor will I ever have the chance. As I awake tomorrow, surely I will wander in my mind again about the same things. I will hear the same echo response, it is my own voice. I don't want all of my concerns to be addressed well, at least not now, but for certain I must know the answers to the following. Where will I be? Who will I love? Who will love me, six years from now? How they haunt me so, keeping me tossing in my bed. Where will I be? Who will I love? Who will love me, six years from now? Six years from now! How they bombard me, everyday, how they follow me just to taunt. Especially when I think about you. You are far away and always leaving too soon for me to understand. I can't help but wonder again, where will I be? Who will I love? Who will love me? Who will love me? I can hope and pray all I want to the ears above the sky, I am begging Him to show me! I ask everyday. I can wish all I want, that I will be with you and you will be the one I will love and you will be the one who will love me! Oh, please be the one who will love me, please be the one who will stand by my side, just as I do now for you, just as I want to always. Always! Where will I be? Who will I love? Who will love me, six years from now? I want to be with you, I love you, I am so desperately wanting for you to feel the same way. I love you! I want you to know, you make me feel valued, and special and worthy. You are the only one. Oh, please be the one who will love me, please be the one who will stand by my side, just as I do now for you. Six years from now.....please.  

Dreams

There is a lot of mystery in concern with dreams. Why do we dream what we dream? Are dreams in any way relative to what goes in our lives or are dreams just crazy, random images? There have been hundreds, dare I say, thousands of experiments done with the one purpose to explore the dream state of people, but the truth is technology can only take us so far. The only way, scientists can know what people are dreaming about is to wake them up when they are in REM sleep. If you do not know what is REM sleep might I suggest checking out this video as it perhaps may have the answers. Warn you, I am not making any promises (Thank you NOVA) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i539ynXmh-c
Dreams, in basic terms, are crazy, wild visions all emanating deep within our conscious or brain, maybe both. Some dreams are dull, some are scary and should be called nightmares instead, while others are adventurous. What is the point of this post? Well, it seems to me, there is not enough people out there, who share their dreams. I have been told by lots of people that my dreams are insane and that I am a crazy person for having such a dream. (maybe I exaggerated that last part) oh well!
I want to share with whoever is reading this, my dreams. As many as I can remember. What am I about to share with you, is all coming from pure memory (a powerful tool) The first dream I will share with you, is a very recent dream. NOTE: I am not making anything up, all I will reveal I truly dreamt about. How can you trust me? Just trust the following sentence: I speak truthfully.  Let's get this train wreck rolling ^_^

I had a dream and Chloe Grace Moretz (The actress) was in it. I was inside a mini van, seating in the back seat with Chloe sitting beside me, and we were talking as if we were friends (which I wouldn't mind at all if that were true) Chloe turns to me and says how excited she is that she will finally be able to meet some of my friends and how long she has been looking forward to go to this video gaming event. Apparently, we were headed to this huge video game hangout place, where supposedly most of my friends were going to be there. For one reason or another, Chloe was holding a pen, I think it was a black point pen, anyway I leaned close to Chloe and tried to take the pen away from her, but she pulled back. Next thing you know, it became a tug-of-war, suddenly the cap of the pen snapped off. Chloe flips out, claiming that I broke her pen of which then I responded that I did no such thing. I then showed her how it was merely the cap that came off. Oh, by the by whenever I spoke to Chloe I said her full name, "Chloe Grace Moretz I didn't break your pen. Look Chloe Grace Moretz, it was only the cap that came off, see Chloe Grace Moretz." I have no idea why I kept repeating her full name, that can get annoying I am willing to bet.
Seconds after explaining to Chloe what happened to the pen, the driver of the van, turned out to be Chloe's mother. The mother, let go of her hands from the stirring wheel, turned her body around toward us and said something along the lines," oh Chloe isn't this exciting, you going to play video games, and meet Raquel's friends" Unbeknownst to Chloe's mother, the car started to drift off course and was headed for a ditch. While the mother was still talking, Chloe freaked out and yelled, "Look out!" Chloe, with great speed, reached her arms all the way to the stirring wheel and made a sharp turn, thus avoiding the ditch and saving our lives! The mom then says, "Chloe will you relax I know perfectly well what I am doing." Not 10 seconds go by that Chloe's mother again let her hands off the stirring wheel and started talking again about how excited she was. The car started to drift again off the lane, the car was about to hit another car. Chloe yelled, "Oh my God!" She reached over again and made another sharp turn thus saving our lives twice. The mother then answered, "Chloe we were perfectly fine, put on your seat belt, you don't even have a drivers license yet."
Chloe then responds rather annoyed, I don't blame her, "I should have a license, so this kind of crazy stuff won't happen!" Needless to say I agree with Chloe 100%. Suddenly and quite unexpectedly the scene changes, the next I knew, was I entering a dim lit room. In the center of the room was a giant flat screen T.V and there were rows lined up, not in front of the T.V but rather on the sides of the room. There must have been a total of 4 rows, two on one side and two on the other. Oh and there was bed on one side of the room, I think the left side of the room. When I entered the room, I realize I was in the video gaming event. I saw Chloe lying on the bed with two of my friends (of whom I don't see anymore) I think the friends were Gus and his younger brother, I don't know which younger brother. Anyway, They weren't talking to each other, they weren't even making eye contact. In fact, no body at all was excited that a movie actress was in the room. She's just Chloe, a 16 year old girl, no big deal. I then proceeded to lay myself on the bed with Chloe, for one reason or another, she was wearing a yellow beanie hat, that I snatched off her head, Chloe was quick to respond, by snatching my beanie hat off of my head. (I don't know why I was wearing a hat, I don't look good in hats) Seconds later, I started to doze off on the bed, but Chloe began to shake me and said, "Wake up Raquel, the video game is starting, wake up!" I wake up and grab the controller for the game and Chloe does the same. I saw that all the rows of seats were filled with other players.
The purpose of the game was that we were supposed to fly Han solo's space craft, infiltrate and destroy an enemy space ship, which was ten times bigger than our puny ship! Each row in the room, was in charge of a different part of Han solo's ship. One row was in charge of turning the ship in different directions, another for shooting, another for dodging attacks and so on. I was in the row in charge of shooting. The graphics of the games were amazing, no doubt, it looked very real. Anyways, as Chloe and I played the video game, we were doing a super job, within minutes we were able to infiltrate the space craft. Then suddenly, I was no longer inside the darkened room, rather I was inside the space ship. Everything looked so futuristic, a mixture of star wars and star trek. I was walking alone, and I entered the command center of the ship I think. And stood before me dressed in a star trek out fit was Tim Allen (comedian/actor) Tim was holding a glowing sphere in his hands. He looked at me, but then at the same time, he appeared to be talking into a camera rather than me. He then said, "Once I let go of this orb, once it hits the floor the entire ship will turn into rushing water, like a water fall!" Everyone in the ship started running for their lives, but I stood my ground. Tim drops the orb and he runs away really fast too. Mere moments later, the walls of ship turn into water, gushing water. I run for my life! But I am not running fast enough, for several times the water picks me and pushes me forward, like the waves out on the beach. The water splashes down, I continue running, even faster, but the water catches up and lifts me off the ground again, this happens at least 3 times maybe 4. I see the exit of the ship and somehow, I have no idea how, the ship landed safely on solid ground. I am running as fast as my legs can carry me, I leap forward and the water pushes me forward as well, now I am maybe 10 feet above the ground, and I land perfectly. With no injuries whatsoever. I didn't see Chloe anywhere,  I can only assume she didn't make it, or maybe she was way ahead of me. And that was the end of the dream.
There was this one part in the dream, that I was going to a concert with this supposedly famous pop star, she was coming with me as a friend and she was very worried she would get mobbed by fans. I tried to calm her down saying that nothing happened to Chloe, but the pop star then said, "Well, she is just a movie actress, I am a pop star, I am way more famous than her!" when we entered the concert, the band was still practicing and there was barely anyone there. And only one person approached the pop star and said to her, "I really like your music." The pop star then takes me aside and says, "I told you! Crazy fans are everywhere." I don't remember what happened next.

So, that is my first dream, that I have shared with whoever is reading this. I will surely continue to post more dreams. Maybe this will shed some light on how bizarre dreams can really be. ^_^  

a tad bit about me part 2

I am a recovered anorexic. I think many people say that once you are anorexic, you stay anorexic, in the sense that one can always always relapse. If you were to look atmy figure in the year 2009 in the month of December, you would see perhaps three rib bones, and you see me not talking to people because I was busy climbing up the stairs. I was trying to lose weight. However, if you were to look at me now, you would see no ribs, no bones. Instead you would see a toned body.
I work out a lot nowadays. I run a lot. I'd like to think of myself as a runner. Just over the course of three days, I can run 12 miles. Five miles the 1st day three miles the 2nd and four miles on the 3rd. Today I plan to a little over three miles... maybe four miles. I work out everyday. I do more than just run, I lift weights also everyday (did I spell that right?) On Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays I work my abs, all the other days I work my upper body. I run five days a week. I don't run on weekends, unless I have a race.
I was taken to ER, instantly after fainting, in January (did I spell that right?) in the year 2010. I was out of the hospital within 2 weeks. I have not relapsed since then. It has now been a little over 3 years. This is a big deal. There are girls and guys, who relapse again and again in less than a year.
I am an odd anorexic case, I think. Most cases of anorexia happen in families with one child in a good finicial position. But I am in a family of 6 and we are not in any way rich. In the year 2009 my dad lost his job and it took him a long while before he could find another job. During the times he was home, I avoided him, because I didn't want him see me excersise, I didn't want any of family member to see me exercise, but they did. I couldn't get the privacy I wanted. However, I didn't want to stop working out just because they saw me, so I excersised in front of them. They had no idea why worked out 3 hours a day every day, I had no idea why either.
To this day, I am unsure why I became anorexic, but I am thankful that I am not anorexic anymore. There are some days, however, that I look at myself in the mirror and feel dissatisfied with my figure, and I wish was thinner than I am now. There have been days where I wish I was still anorexic weighing 100 lbs, but then I am quickly reminded of all the secrecy I had to go through, all the isolation I had put myselft through just to mantain 100 lbs.
Some people would say it's not worth it. But I though it was, I though it was mandatory even. But now I don't want to isolate myself. I love excersise I feel as though God himself has given me a strong passion for nutrition and working out.
Balance, balance is key. Too much weight is bad, too little weigh is bad. Balance balance is the way.
And that can be really hard sometimes.

A tad bit about me, and something else part 1?

This is going to be a farily short post (maybe) just me giving some details about my family, about me that you may or may not already know.

I have a pretty big family, well maybe bigger than the average family. (I heard somewhere from someone, that the aveage family has 2.5 children, which is kind of odd, in concern with the 0.5) In any case, I have three other siblings. I am the youngest, but at the very same I am also older. How is this so? I am twin. Yes, it's true. I was born first, then a few hours later came my twin sister. Most of the time twins are a mere minutes apart, but not in my case. I am older by 4 hours and 30 minutes. My mother is one tough cookie :) Let me give you the basic rundown. The oldest is my brother, the second is my sister, then comes me, then my twin sis (I love her very much)

The older sister (because my twin sis and I are the same age, that's given) wants to be a sign language interpreter, a good good career. My twin sister is following in her footsteps. As for my brother, it is a tad bit hard to place him. He changes from time to time, although, I could be mistaken.

I want to be a dietitian (did I spell that right?) When people ask me, "what's your major?"  and I tell them, "I am going to be a dietitian", I get some odd answers. Here, let me give you a list: "What's that?" or "Oh, you're one of those health nuts" or "Wait, don't you mean nutritionist?" or (my favorite, because sometimes, the person is eathing something that could be considered unhealthy) "So, I guess I shouldn't be eating the chocolate muffin.." That actually happened one time.

I have to stop righ here, right now. I am hungry and I have chemistry test today. (I will do well)

:D

Peace of Mind (Gloria Bennett) 7 END

Last post! See this story is not long at all. This is after all short story :) I really hope you enjoyed my story

“Emily!  My dear, what happened?!” cried Gloria with misty eyes.

“Oh mom! He’s coming, he’ll get me for sure! Please, mom you’ve got to help me!” begged Emily, falling to her knees while, clutching onto Gloria’s nightgown, “Please, you gotta help me! Send him away!” Gloria was so overwhelmed, fear was consuming her inside out, she tried so hard to break away.

“Mom, don’t let me die, at least not in vain! You can save me! Help me please! Why won’t you help me? Why won’t you help Abigail?” Emily was pouring out her heart, her soul, “Don’t let my death count for nothing!”

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” shouted Gloria, now falling on her knees, sobbing loudly, “It’s all my fault, all my fault! How can I save you, tell me what to do!” Emily didn’t respond, she became very quiet and still, all at once, “Emily? Emily!” sobbed Gloria, “Answer me! It’s all my fault!” Please, Emily!”

“Mom,” answered Emily, “Why can’t you help me, help Abigail?” Her voice was low and weak, the warmth of her body was slipping away, “It’s not too late...it’s not.” The hands of Emily became cold and stiff, life was gone..

“No, no, no! Emily, I’m sorry! Come back, come back, please! Tell me what to do, please, I’m so sorry! All my fault, all my fault!” Tears flooded the sockets of Gloria, she could not bear the pain any longer, she burst aloud, crying uncontrollably.  

When Gloria opened her eyes again, she was no longer holding the dead body of Emily, she wasn’t even in the destitute field. What was happening? She was lying on what appeared to be a hospital bed. The walls around her, were so very white. Gloria realized now where she was, but something wasn’t right about the room. There was no heart monitor, there were no windows, no chairs, or tables. As Gloria proceeded to scope this supposed hospital room, she wondered, where were the doctors, the nurses, where was anyone? Everything was so quiet, no movement whatsoever. Gloria sat herself up, with a straight back, turned her head in every direction, when unexpectedly, she saw a wooden door. How odd that a door made of wood would be in a hospital. Then, the door knob began to twist, and entered a man. A man from the silent and the often respected. It was James.

“Oh my word,” said Gloria with her eyes open wide, “James, my love,” Gloria reached out her hands to which James reached back. They clasped each other’s hands so tightly, Gloria was so happy, her heart was dancing, filled with peace.

“James, is it really you?” asked Gloria.

“Of course it is,” answered James squeezing her hands. A rush came over Gloria, an immense portion of love. A certain kind of thrill, she thought she could never feel again. Oh, what bliss Gloria felt captivating her. Her stronghold, finally in the flesh, “I have missed you,” said James sitting close to Gloria, “I love you, I always have,” With every word that emerged from James’s mouth, more and more love flooded inside Gloria’s soul.

“This is a dream come true. I am finally with you and I will never leave, we will never be separated again. I am now home,” said Gloria with great delight.

“My dear, my sweet dear, this is not home,” answered James loosening his grip.

“What are you saying? I-I don’t understand.”

“This is not your time, this is not our time, not yet,” said James, now letting go of Gloria’s hands, “We will be together again, but only when the time is right, when He deems it so.” This couldn’t be happening! Until He deems it so? This was outrageous!

“Why are you saying these things?” pleaded Gloria trying to reach for James, but just couldn’t, no matter how desperately she wanted to. It was as if there was an invisible force keeping Gloria from James, “Why are you turning me away? This is our second chance, can’t you see?” tears began to flow from Gloria’s eyes. This was no dream come true, this was another horrible nightmare!

“Gloria, listen to me, there is a little girl, who needs to know right now that her mother is alive, that her mother cares for her because she loves her,” asserted James, “This your second chance to let her know, you are that mom.”

“I don’t want to keep on living life without you! I have no peace, no joy. The pain I carry is too foul for anyone to bare. But I can make the pain end, by accepting death!” shouted Gloria trying so hard to get out of the hospital bed, so she could embrace James, “Please, come to me! All I want is to feel peace again, full peace. I thought I could withstand with just Emily, but she’s gone too. Please, all I want is peace!” sobbed Gloria with her hands over her face.

“And peace you will have,” said James returning to Gloria’s side, wiping away the tears, “Time is the healer of all wounds, all you have to do is let it. Your life does not end here, not like this,” all of what James was saying was dreadfully true, “Let go of the past, let go of me. Learn to forgive. Only then will you be able to experience true peace.” Gloria cried softly. Just when she had reunited with the love of her life, they had to be torn apart again. How could this be?

“This is not fair,” whispered Gloria.

“I love you, Gloria,” answered James right by her ear, so gentle, “This is for the best, wait and you will see. Please...let me go,” said James with boundless love.

“I’ll...I-I’ll try,” Gloria took a deep breath, “I’ll try.” James gave a small smile, his body began to fade away. In the process of disappearing, he leaned in and kissed her. Gloria felt his lips against hers, with her eyes shut she embraced the moment. Little by little the pressed lips of James vanished. It was time for Gloria to overcome, to triumph. She didn’t know how to explain it, but she had new found determination. Gloria opened her eyes and saw Abigail slouched over on a hospital bed, sleeping right by her. Abigail was eagerly waiting for her mother to wake up. Gloria was profoundly moved. She gently began to caress Abigail’s glossy hair. It took a few seconds, but Abigail awoke.

“I love you, Abigail,” said Gloria giving her daughter a tremendous squeeze. Abigail was speechless. Could this be the start of a new life? Was this finally the end of Gloria’s chapter full of tribulation. Maybe this was threshold of reconciliation. Only time can tell. This could merely be a fleeting moment of happiness. Perhaps this was only to be short lived. Only time can tell.

END

Peace of Mind (Gloria Bennett) 6

This post is a tad longer than all the others. Keep reading!

Sooner or later, Abigail would have to tell Gloria the truth. She didn’t want to tell Gloria what really happened, but it didn’t matter what she wanted anymore, it was now time to face the facts: She would never solve the case. She poured out her soul and found nothing. Abigail gave up, the time had come to tell Gloria.

Oh, how it would tear the heart of Gloria, she would hit rock bottom all over again and maybe this time, it will be too much to bear. Will she ever find the peace she so deeply desires? Her private sessions with Dr. Weber had been proving to be quite successful, despite the fact, he only met Gloria two weeks ago. They already had had six sessions, their meetings were both extensive and intense. Dr. Weber was truly the best at his craft. Would telling Gloria the truth jeopardize Dr. Weber’s progress? Would it destroy her already broken heart? Either way, it must be done.

“Tell me, do you think of James often?” asked Dr. Weber writing notes in his book. (During their seventh private session. It was mid-afternoon)

“Not a day goes by that I...don’t,” answered Gloria in an almost steady voice, “Can we... talk about something else?”

“Miss Bennett, please try and understand, you can’t keep avoiding this subject of conversation. You can’t proceed to shelter yourself with past events, it’s almost as if you don’t want to move forward,” said Dr. Weber furiously writing in his notebook.

“If I move do forward, it would be without Emily, I can’t leave her behind,” answered Gloria in an extremely low voice.

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” Lifting his head away from his book. Dr. Weber, apparently was too focus on taking notes rather than listening.

“All I have are memories, moments. Do you really expect me to forget about all the good, all the joy, the peace?” asked Gloria with great concern.

“Far from it, I expect you to realize there is just as much good, joy and peace, in the future as there is in the past. You can either be afraid of what’s to come and hide or you can be hopeful and act upon it.”

Gloria could not understand. Her future was anything but hopeful. She was certain of this, her first love was stripped away from her. Then, her only source sustaining her from devastation was killed. Gloria was about to say something, when Dr. Weber interrupted her, “Well, it’s been over two hours, I think we covered enough for today, don’t forget what I said about the future, it’s not a scary place,” with that Dr. Weber put his few supplies (the pen and the notebook) in his briefcase and headed for the door. However, unexpectedly, the front door opened, it was Abigail, with her head lowered she appeared very somber. She was unaware that Dr. Weber was standing just a foot away from her. He suspected, something was very wrong.

“Hello, Abigail, I hope I...find you well...”

“Hello,” answered Abigail making brief eye contact with Gloria, but only to turn her head away, “Hello, Dr. Weber, I need to talk to you...outside.”

“Is something the matter?” asked Dr. Weber

“Outside please,” Abigail went out door, to the drive way.

“Abigail?” said Gloria wondering what could be happening, she didn’t get a response. Dr. Weber went outside to join Abigail.

“Yes?”

“Close the door,” said Abigail hurriedly.

The moment Gloria heard the door shut, she knew something wasn’t right, nothing had been right for a long time. What could they be talking about? Gloria stood up, and silently skimmed to the front door. She ever so gently, placed her ear against the door. She could only understand bits and pieces. Better than nothing.

“I-I don’t know what to do anymore,” that was Abigail’s voice, figured Gloria.

“Tell her the truth,” that was clearly Dr. Weber, she could tell by his rough voice. Gloria heard Abigail say something, but she was unable to make it out. Abigail must have been standing further away from the door. All Gloria was able to make sense was: If I tell....the case....it would....her heart...she’ll die.

“You can’t wear a mask forever, Abigail. By Lying and keeping secrets, you are digging yourself a grave. Sometimes the truth hurts, sometimes it’s unbearable, but knowing the truth, brings freedom, with that comes hope, and with hope, peace.”

Abigail proceeded to interject more excuses, but Gloria had heard enough, she didn’t want to eavesdrop anymore. She knew now what was going on, there was no question about it. Emily’s murder mystery was left as an open case, in other words unsolved. For decades Gloria’s life has been one tragedy after another, filled with misery. Her heart has been tormented for far too long. It was in that moment, she realized, she had no joy, nothing to look forward to in life, no hope, and the little peace she had left, was slipping away. What was left? Gloria was fed up with being depressed all the time, with people telling her, “it’s time to move on with life”, “you got to move past the pain”, and blah, blah blah! Enough was enough!

“How could Abigail quit on the case, on Emily! How could she? How dare she!” Gloria was flaming with anger, “She gave up, but I will not, I will be reunited with Emily!” she said furiously, but somehow was able to keep her voice low enough, so that Dr. Weber and Abigail couldn’t hear her. Gloria was practically fuming, her hands were clenched into fists, slowly vibrating. Being so overwhelmed with resentment toward Abigail, toward the police, and anyone else who quit the case, she impulsively swung the front doors wide open. She saw Abigail standing far off in the driveway waving goodbye at Dr. Weber, who had already drove away. Gloria didn’t waste anytime, she marched down the steps of the entrance and proceeded down to where Abigail stood, all in her night gown!

Abigail turned around and gasped, “Gloria?” she was caught off guard, she could not believe her eyes. What on earth was Gloria doing? “Are you okay?”

“How could you? How dare you!” yelled Gloria almost at the top of her lungs.

“Calm down, Gloria. What are you talking about?” asked Abigail hoping that Gloria was mad about something else and not about Emily’s case.  

“Oh, stop pretending, I’m talking about Emily, I’m talking about her death!” shouted Gloria using many fierceful gestures, “Whatever happened to justice? To catching the stupid bastard, the rapist?!”

“I had no choice! All the evidence we’ve gathered turned out to be completely useless, we kept on running into dead ends, it was becoming a wild goose chase!” protested Abigail, trying her best to explain her actions.

“You had a choice, and you chose to give up!” said Gloria pointing right in Abigail’s face. A few nosy neighbors began to peer out their windows, but that didn’t stop either one of them from arguing.

“I did my best! I missed classes, I brought the case files home, I studied them for hours! I didn’t sleep for days! I-” Abigail was interrupted.

“What about me? Don’t you think I’ve suffered too? But I keep going, You could have kept going! I was counting on you, Emily was counting on you!” Gloria’s hands kept on unclenching and re-clenching, her knuckles were turning white.

“Gloria please, listen to yourself, I had to stop. There was nothing more I could do or that anyone could do. What’s done is done!”

“Is everything alright?” asked a random, but concerned neighbor, walking his Australian shepherd dog, “Can I help?” asked the worried neighbor.

“Shut up!” yelled Abigail releasing some of her concealed anger, “Look, Gloria I get it, Emily was your favorite, some parents have favorites! But that gives you no right to ignore me completely! Was I non-existent or something?” Abigail’s voice kept on getting louder and louder, “DId you ever love me?!”

“Abigail...” said Gloria suddenly feeling very weak.

“Ever since I was nine, I’ve been trying get your approval, get you to notice me, to love me! But everything I did just was no good! Why? What was so special about Emily?!”

“Please...Abigail...” whispered Gloria losing her balance. Gloria’s vision was becoming hazy, all objects around her began to blur. She felt light headed, and terribly dizzy, “Abigail....I..I” she tried mustering out a sentence.

“Ma’am, I think that woman is going to faint,” said the same concerned neighbor.

“You’re still here?” scolded Abigail glaring angrily at the man, “Mind your own business!” she was unaware of Gloria’s stumbling stance. Then, all at once, Gloria’s vision was pitch black, she fell onto the cement floor and her head hit the ground hard.

“Oh my God!” shrieked Abigail, she rushed over to Gloria, trying desperately to wake her, “Gloria! Are you okay? Gloria!” she said gently tapping Gloria’s cheekbone, but she was getting no response whatsoever. Abigail proceeded to tap a little harder, but it was futile, “Quick, call 911, do it now!” screamed Abigail at the man. He quickly searched his pockets, the two in the front, nothing, two in the back, empty, where was that blasted cell phone? At last, he found it, after digging through the inside pockets of his coat, “Yes, hello! A woman just fainted, she needs medical assistance!”

The ambulance came within moments, and in less than eight minutes, they assessed the situation, and gently placed Gloria on a gurdy. Abigail, wanting desperately to accompany Gloria, climbed onto the ambulance. Abigail sat right beside her, hoping, praying that everything would be okay. She lost her father, her sister, and now maybe her mother. Everything was spiraling out of control. During the swift drive to the emergency room, Gloria’s mind drifted into, not a dream, more like a horrible nightmare. Gloria, still dressed in her nightgown, was standing all alone, in a destitute field. Surrounding her, was an extremely dense fog. She stood in silence, wondering where could she be. Suddenly, she heard hurried, staggering footsteps, as if maybe a wounded person was rushing towards her. Her heart was pounding so fast, she had no idea who or what was coming. Gloria tried squinting her eyes, in hopes for better vision, but it did no good. The sound of the footsteps were closing in, she was rapidly becoming fearful. In a flash, her shoulder was yanked, she turned around and was shocked to see the face of Emily.

Sooner or later, Abigail would have to tell Gloria the truth. She didn’t want to tell Gloria what really happened, but it didn’t matter what she wanted anymore, it was now time to face the facts: She would never solve the case. She poured out her soul and found nothing. Abigail gave up, the time had come to tell Gloria.

Oh, how it would tear the heart of Gloria, she would hit rock bottom all over again and maybe this time, it will be too much to bear. Will she ever find the peace she so deeply desires? Her private sessions with Dr. Weber had been proving to be quite successful, despite the fact, he only met Gloria two weeks ago. They already had had six sessions, their meetings were both extensive and intense. Dr. Weber was truly the best at his craft. Would telling Gloria the truth jeopardize Dr. Weber’s progress? Would it destroy her already broken heart? Either way, it must be done.

“Tell me, do you think of James often?” asked Dr. Weber writing notes in his book. (During their seventh private session. It was mid-afternoon)

“Not a day goes by that I...don’t,” answered Gloria in an almost steady voice, “Can we... talk about something else?”

“Miss Bennett, please try and understand, you can’t keep avoiding this subject of conversation. You can’t proceed to shelter yourself with past events, it’s almost as if you don’t want to move forward,” said Dr. Weber furiously writing in his notebook.

“If I move do forward, it would be without Emily, I can’t leave her behind,” answered Gloria in an extremely low voice.

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” Lifting his head away from his book. Dr. Weber, apparently was too focus on taking notes rather than listening.

“All I have are memories, moments. Do you really expect me to forget about all the good, all the joy, the peace?” asked Gloria with great concern.

“Far from it, I expect you to realize there is just as much good, joy and peace, in the future as there is in the past. You can either be afraid of what’s to come and hide or you can be hopeful and act upon it.”

Gloria could not understand. Her future was anything but hopeful. She was certain of this, her first love was stipped away frome her. Then, her only source sustaining her from devastation was killed. Gloria was about to say something, when Dr. Weber interrupted her, “Well, it’s been over two hours, I think we covered enough for today, don’t forget what I said about the future, it’s not a scary place,” with that Dr. Weber put his few supplies (the pen and the notebook) in his briefcase and headed for the door. However, unexpectedly, the front door opened, it was Abigail, with her head lowered she appeared very somber. She was unaware that Dr. Weber was standing just a foot away from her. He suspected, something was very wrong.

“Hello, Abigail, I hope I...find you well...”

“Hello,” answered Abigail making brief eye contact with Gloria, but only to turn her head away, “Hello, Dr. Weber, I need to talk to you...outside.”

“Is something the matter?” asked Dr. Weber

“Outside please,” Abigail went out door, to the drive way.

“Abigail?” said Gloria wondering what could be happening, she didn’t get a response. Dr. Weber went outside to join Abigail.

“Yes?”

“Close the door,” said Abigail hurriedly.

The moment Gloria heard the door shut, she knew something wasn’t right, nothing had been right for a long time. What could they be talking about? Gloria stood up, and silently skimmed to the front door. She ever so gently, placed her ear against the door. She could only understand bits and pieces. Better than nothing.

“I-I don’t know what to do anymore,” that was Abigail’s voice, figured Gloria.

“Tell her the truth,” that was clearly Dr. Weber, she could tell by his rough voice. Gloria heard Abigail say something, but she was unable to make it out. Abigail must have been standing further away from the door. All Gloria was able to make sense was: If I tell....the case....it would....her heart...she’ll die.

“You can’t wear a mask forever, Abigail. By Lying and keeping secrets, you are digging yourself a grave. Sometimes the truth hurts, sometimes it’s unbearable, but knowing the truth, brings freedom, with that comes hope, and with hope, peace.”

Abigail proceeded to interject more excuses, but Gloria had heard enough, she didn’t want to eavesdrop anymore. She knew now what was going on, there was no question about it. Emily’s murder mystery was left as an open case, in other words unsolved. For decades Gloria’s life has been one tragedy after another, filled with misery. Her heart has been tormented for far too long. It was in that moment, she realized, she had no joy, nothing to look forward to in life, no hope, and the little peace she had left, was slipping away. What was left? Gloria was fed up with being depressed all the time, with people telling her, “it’s time to move on with life”, “you got to move past the pain”, and blah, blah blah! Enough was enough!

“How could Abigail quit on the case, on Emily! How could she? How dare she!” Gloria was flaming with anger, “She gave up, but I will not, I will be reunited with Emily!” she said furiously, but somehow was able to keep her voice low enough, so that Dr. Weber and Abigail couldn’t hear her. Gloria was practically fuming, her hands were clenched into fists, slowly vibrating. Being so overwhelmed with resentment toward Abigail, toward the police, and anyone else who quit the case, she impulsively swung the front doors wide open. She saw Abigail standing far off in the driveway waving goodbye at Dr. Weber, who had already drove away. Gloria didn’t waste anytime, she marched down the steps of the entrance and proceeded down to where Abigail stood, all in her night gown!

Abigail turned around and gasped, “Gloria?” she was caught off guard, she could not believe her eyes. What on earth was Gloria doing? “Are you okay?”

“How could you? How dare you!” yelled Gloria almost at the top of her lungs.

“Calm down, Gloria. What are you talking about?” asked Abigail hoping that Gloria was mad about something else and not about Emily’s case.  

“Oh, stop pretending, I’m talking about Emily, I’m talking about her death!” shouted Gloria using many fierceful gestures, “Whatever happened to justice? To catching the stupid bastard, the rapist?!”

“I had no choice! All the evidence we’ve gathered turned out to be completely useless, we kept on running into dead ends, it was becoming a wild goose chase!” protested Abigail, trying her best to explain her actions.

“You had a choice, and you chose to give up!” said Gloria pointing right in Abigail’s face. A few nosy neighbors began to peer out their windows, but that didn’t stop either one of them from arguing.

“I did my best! I missed classes, I brought the case files home, I studied them for hours! I didn’t sleep for days! I-” Abigail was interrupted.

“What about me? Don’t you think I’ve suffered too? But I keep going, You could have kept going! I was counting on you, Emily was counting on you!” Gloria’s hands kept on unclenching and re-clenching, her knuckles were turning white.

“Gloria please, listen to yourself, I had to stop. There was nothing more I could do or that anyone could do. What’s done is done!”

“Is everything alright?” asked a random, but concerned neighbor, walking his Australian shepherd dog, “Can I help?” asked the worried neighbor.

“Shut up!” yelled Abigail releasing some of her concealed anger, “Look, Gloria I get it, Emily was your favorite, some parents have favorites! But that gives you no right to ignore me completely! Was I non-existent or something?” Abigail’s voice kept on getting louder and louder, “DId you ever love me?!”

“Abigail...” said Gloria suddenly feeling very weak.

“Ever since I was nine, I’ve been trying get your approval, get you to notice me, to love me! But everything I did just was no good! Why? What was so special about Emily?!”

“Please...Abigail...” whispered Gloria losing her balance. Gloria’s vision was becoming hazy, all objects around her began to blur. She felt light headed, and terribly dizzy, “Abigail....I..I” she tried mustering out a sentence.

“Ma’am, I think that woman is going to faint,” said the same concerned neighbor.

“You’re still here?” scolded Abigail glaring angrily at the man, “Mind your own business!” she was unaware of Gloria’s stumbling stance. Then, all at once, Gloria’s vision was pitch black, she fell onto the cement floor and her head hit the ground hard.

“Oh my God!” shrieked Abigail, she rushed over to Gloria, trying desperately to wake her, “Gloria! Are you okay? Gloria!” she said gently tapping Gloria’s cheekbone, but she was getting no response whatsoever. Abigail proceeded to tap a little harder, but it was futile, “Quick, call 911, do it now!” screamed Abigail at the man. He quickly searched his pockets, the two in the front, nothing, two in the back, empty, where was that blasted cell phone? At last, he found it, after digging through the inside pockets of his coat, “Yes, hello! A woman just fainted, she needs medical assistance!”

The ambulance came within moments, and in less than eight minutes, they assessed the situation, and gently placed Gloria on a gurdy. Abigail, wanting desperately to accompany Gloria, climbed onto the ambulance. Abigail sat right beside her, hoping, praying that everything would be okay. She lost her father, her sister, and now maybe her mother. Everything was spiraling out of control. During the swift drive to the emergency room, Gloria’s mind drifted into, not a dream, more like a horrible nightmare. Gloria, still dressed in her nightgown, was standing all alone, in a destitute field. Surrounding her, was an extremely dense fog. She stood in silence, wondering where could she be. Suddenly, she heard hurried, staggering footsteps, as if maybe a wounded person was rushing towards her. Her heart was pounding so fast, she had no idea who or what was coming. Gloria tried squinting her eyes, in hopes for better vision, but it did no good. The sound of the footsteps were closing in, she was rapidly becoming fearful. In a flash, her shoulder was yanked, she turned around and was shocked to see the face of Emily.

Emily was covered with blood and purple bruises, on her neck, her wrists, her legs, and so forth. Her eyes were imprinted with great distress, tramped in complete panic. Her feet were bare, covered in a mixture of blood and mud. The clothes she wore were ripped apart, as if she had been in a vicious brawl. Gloria was horrified, but she dared not turn away from her daughter, never.

Emily was covered with blood and purple bruises, on her neck, her wrists, her legs, and so forth. Her eyes were imprinted with great distress, tramped in complete panic. Her feet were bare, covered in a mixture of blood and mud. The clothes she wore were ripped apart, as if she had been in a vicious brawl. Gloria was horrified, but she dared not turn away from her daughter, never.